Let me tell you a story.
Our story starts with Slay Queen getting a new notification from Facebook. Ekubo McBrian had just hit her up for the twelfth time today. She had only just accepted his friendship request since he sent it six months ago, but he was fast becoming a pain in the bum. She heaved a deep sigh and placed her phone back in her denim pocket.
“Madam, we don reach the place,” the cabman said.
She looked out of the window. The giant “Eko Hotel and Suites” sign at the top of the towering building welcomed her preying eyes.
“Okay,” she said as she paid the cabman and alighted from his overly comfy Metro taxi. She approached the entrance of the hotel and found her way to the private hall where she spotted her would-be company relaxing in a few seats away. He stood up and pulled the chair for her.
“I thought you would not make it,” he said in a soothing sonorous voice as she made her way into the seat. Then he smiled.
“That smile,” she said, pointing to his face. “The one that got me.”
They had both met on Twitter during one of those feisty nights when Twitter Nigeria was agog with a trending topic. News of Toke Makinwa’s marital woes had just filtered into social media and the wisest Nigerians were postulating how it was all Toke’s fault. Slay Queen’s company, Ahmed Preeq, had a different view point. He did not blame Toke, neither did he blame Maje. He blamed God for giving men penises. His tweets on the subject were retweeted by hundreds of Twitterzens at lighting pace and someone retweeted one of such tweets to Slay Queen’s TL. The first thing she did was to view his avatar. He had his knob on full display. Then, she read his bio. It read “If you would like to fuck me, DM me.” She thought he was cocky, but she also thought he was cute.
She followed him and he returned the favour almost immediately by following her, as if he had been waiting all his life for this day. Then, she DMed him with the words “I would like to fuck you”. She was serious. He replied almost immediately too with “Date? Time? Venue?” He was serious.
At first, Slay Queen was astounded. She thought he was unreal, but she disregarded her shock and replied, “Next Saturday. 8pm. Eko Hotel, VI.”
Ahmed Preeq spent little time in replying “Not one second late.”
Today was the day. They were meeting for the first time. The only words they said to each other at the table were the only words they had exchanged when she arrived. They stole glances at each other throughout the course of eating, without as much as a whisper. Slay Queen found this exciting and intimidating. She hoped he would live up to the latter part of his Twitter handle: “Preeq”. That was why she followed him on Twitter in the first place.
After they were done, Ahmed Preeq led her by the hand to his room. This was the moment she was waiting for.
Umm, I won’t trouble your innocent mind with disturbing graphic details of what transpired between them. Let’s just say they consumed each other in raw, passionate, mortal affections.
Now, after they were done, Slay Queen rose to use the bathroom.
“You want to pee?” Ahmed queried.
Slay Queen looked at him as he sprawled on the bed. “No, I’m taking a shower.”
“You feel dirty?” Ahmed joked.
Slay Queen heaved a sigh. “I prefer you in your quiet state.” She walked into the bathroom, had a shower and came out fully dressed.
“What, you’re leaving?” Ahmed asked in surprise. “It’s like ten pm.”
Slay Queen walked to her Michael Kors bag, picked it up, pulled out an envelope and handed it over to Ahmed.
“What?” Ahmed asked in more surprise. “Is that supposed to be my bill? Relax woman, I’ve got your money. Just come back to bed.”
Slay Queen dropped the envelope on the bed and walked out of the room.
She stole a glance at her wrist watch as she beckoned on a taxi by the gate of the hotel. It was now twenty minutes past ten.
“The bastard,” she cursed under her breath, referring to Ahmed. Slay Queen had another meeting for eleven o’clock and had hoped she would be done with Ahmed before ten. But he had managed to bed her longer than she had expected. She was impressed with his skills. She was also impressed that he had kept to his Twitter handle. He was a good preeq.
A Metro taxi screeched to a halt before her, jolting her out of her reverie.
“Radisson Blu,” she said nonchalantly to the driver as she slotted into the back seat. The cab weaved its way through the fabulous and beautifully lit inner-city of Victoria Island and was at the magnificent Radisson Blu edifice in no time. Slay Queen paid off the cabman and made her way to the hotel. She was no stranger to the surroundings, so it was not difficult for her to locate Tokunbo CashMoney’s room. He was her next guest for the night. They had met on Instagram. He always liked her pictures, even when she did not know who he was. She was forced to return the favour by visiting his instagram page. That was when she was hooked. His pictures depicted his handle. He, figuratively speaking, drowned in wads of cash in all his instagram posts. She liked all his pictures. The rest, like they say, is history: They followed each other, exchanged contacts and agreed to meet tonight.
Slay Queen opened his hotel room door to a surprise: Tokunbo CashMoney had mints of dollars spread all over the king-size bed, with him at the centre. He was only clothed in shorts. He stood up to welcome Slay Queen, poured her a glass of wine, and then, started talking about a million things she would never remember. Her mind was still on the wads of cash she had just seen. Will he slay me on money? She thought to herself. Wow!!!
The night grew longer as Tokunbo talked on. Slay Queen had to interrupt him.
“Are we going to talk all night or are we going to fuck?” she said curtly.
Tokunbo was stunned. He had thought it was only appropriate that they had a conversation before doing anything, but whatever…
He started undressing her, but she pushed him to the bed, stripped him of his shorts and started working on him. He could not believe how wild she was. She worked on him like she was possessed. They consumed each other in rough, feisty, unapologetic sex. This went on for twenty minutes and was only cut short when Tokunbo climaxed. Slay Queen, who had been riding him, slid off his stomach to the bed. Tokunbo just laid there, gasping in excitement.
“You are awesome,” he said as he tried to stroke her hair.
She moved her head away. “You are a learner,” she replied. “I wasn’t finished.”
Her phone buzzed. She looked at the screen. It was a new Facebook notification from Ekubo McBrian. He had just sent her another message. The message read:
“It’s a lonely night for me. I just got into town. I’m so cold. I wish you were here, but you won’t even accept my friendship request.”
She replied, texting “where are you?”
“Lekki. At home. Where are you?” he returned her text.
“On my way to your place. Send me your address” She texted back.
With that, she sprang out of the bed and headed for the bathroom with a grin on her face. As she closed the door, she heard Tokunbo CashMoney say, “Don’t take too long in there. I’m ready for another round.”
“I’m done with you,” she retorted. “Get my money ready.”
In no time, she was out of the bathroom. Tokunbo CashMoney looked at her in shock.
“Are you serious?” he asked, astonished.
Slay Queen pulled out an envelope from her bag and handed same to Tokunbo.
“For real?” he said as he hesitated to collect the brown paper. Slay Queen shrugged.
When Tokunbo realized she was not joking, he nonchalantly pointed to the bed and said, “They’re all yours.”
He was referring to the cash they had just made out on.
Slay Queen scrambled to the bed, quickly stashing away every note she could lay her hands on into her bag. After she was done, she ran her index finger across Tokunbo’s lips and licked her finger. With that, she scurried out of the room without saying a word. It was One o’clock in the morning.
Slay Queen found a cab which took her to Ekubo McBrian’s address which he had sent to her via Facebook messenger. Ekubo was at the gate to receive her. He led her by the hand into the palour. As he walked over to the bar to pour them a drink, Slay Queen said, “I did not come here for drinks.”
“O….kay,” Ekubo slurred. “Do I get you water instead?”
Slay Queen shook her head. “Get me your bed.”
Ekubo McBrian could not believe his ears. She wanted to bed him so soon, even without knowing him?
“Are you a witch or something,” he joked as they made their way to his room.
“Yes,” she said, smiling charmingly at him.
Which girl beds a guy she hardly knows on the first date, in his house? Ekubo thought.
Before he could come up with an answer, he heard Slay Queen say, “You said you were cold. You have been buzzing me all day. I’m here to light up your world.”
It sounded poetic to Ekubo but he could not care less. He was actually cold and yes, he could do with some sex, but this…This was unreal.
“You do this to every guy who hits you up on social media?” he asked, as she sucked at his knob.
“Yes,” Slay Queen replied, with Ekubo’s knob in her mouth. Then she stopped. “Your body is actually warm.”
Ekubo shrugged. “But I feel cold.”
“I like it,” Slay Queen said.
They consumed each other with passion and venom late into the night. After they were done, Ekubo stood up to use the bathroom. He turned on the shower. While he was in there, Slay Queen’s phone rang.
She smiled at the sight of the caller ID.
“Hey,” she whispered on picking the call.
“How parole dey go?” the voice on the other end asked in pidgin English.
“I dey rep my body count game as I been promise na,” she answered in a very low tone.
“Na lie,” the voice on the other end said in disbelief. “How many you don knack?”
“Three so far… I pick the first guy from Twitter, the second one from Instagram and the third one from Facebook…”
“Omo, you bad gaan. How you take measure them?”
“My guy, na their name I use o. The first guy get better prick, so na him prick I been go obtain. The second one get money….”
“And the third one nko?”
“Mehn, I no know wetin I go obtain from this guy sef. Him yeye name na McBrian…”
The voice on the other end burst out laughing. “Ehn, him name na McBrian abi? Where him dey stay?”
“Na big boy be that na. Check whether him get Macbook….”
Slay Queen’s roving eyes quickly scrutinized the room. There was no Macbook in sight. But she saw an iphone 6 sitting by the bedside. “No macbook. But I don see iphone…”
“Obtain am,” the voice on the other end advised.
Slay Queen scrambled across the bed to where Ekubo phone was. She quickly put the phone into her bag. “Done deal,” she said, laughing in low tone.
Just before she dropped the call, the voice on the other end said, “No mind all these yeye men. Shebi na toto dem want? Na toto dem go get.” Then, the line went dead. Slay Queen kept smiling.
Ekubo McBrian came out of the bathroom not long afterwards.
“Why are you smiling?” he asked.
“Because I’m leaving soon.”
Slay Queen got up from the bed and started dressing up.
“You’re serious?” Ekubo asked, looking surprised.
Slay Queen pulled out an envelope from her bag and handed same over to Ekubo.
“It was nice meeting you,” she said with a bold smile on her face. As she headed for the door, she heard Ekubo say, “Wait.”
He pulled out an envelope from the drawer by his bed side and handed same over to Slay Queen.
“Keep it,” Slay Queen said. “I don’t want your money.”
“It’s not money.”
“So what is it?”
“Keep it. I don’t need your treasure. I sleep with men for a reason. I did not sleep with you for your treasure.”
“This treasure is not for the sex we had. I have been following you on Facebook for the last six months. Your pictures make me drool and weak and helpless…” He paused. “I got this for you in anticipation of whenever we would meet.”
“Oh. How thoughtful of you,” Slay Queen said as she collected the envelope.
“Don’t open it until you get home,” Ekubo advised.
With those two words, Slay Queen walked out of the room.
Ekubo McBrian dropped to his bed, with a wide grin on his face. He was excited his mission was accomplished. Then, he noticed Slay Queen’s envelope was still in his hand. He wondered what was in it. After spending the next thirty minutes contemplating what the envelope could contain, he decided to open it. There was a note inside. The note read:
“Hello sweetheart, I am a transgender and I am HIV positive. Deal with it.”
Ekubo felt his heart starting to beat irregularly. He had just bedded an HIV positive man.
Slay Queen found a cab as soon as she stepped out of the hotel premises. She gave the cabman an address as she slotted into the back seat. As they drove to her place in the thick of the night, Slay Queen heard herself burst out in laughter. Then her mind darted to the envelope Ekubo had given her. She wondered what was inside as she tore open the seal. Stacks of pictures fell from the envelope to the ground. Slay Queen reached for them. One after the other, she viewed the pictures. They were pictures of Ekubo in military apparel. The pictures appeared to have been taken somewhere in Africa. Some of the pictures were taken in refugee camps. In one of such pictures, Slay Queen could spot a signboard in the background with the inscription “Liberia”.
Is he a soldier? Did he go on a peacekeeping mission?
Then a phone in Slay Queen’s bag beeped. Slay Queen was certain it was not her phone. It was Ekubo’s. She reached for the phone. A text message had just come in. It was from a contact saved as “Doctor”. She opened the text message. It read:
“Hey Ekubo. The tests results have just come in. I don’t know how to say this man. But the tests have confirmed that, your fever is not normal. I’m afraid you may have contracted the Ebola virus. Call me when you get this message.”