Diary of a Jumoke: Episode 1

Hi, everyone. I am sorry this took longer to post than I thought. This is the first episode of the new feature series, Diary of a Jumoke by Abdulwahab Olajumoke. Look out for Episode 2 next week Tuesday. Happy holidays.

 

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I dialled his number and it rang for the second time in a row. Where the hell is Freddy and why was the mumu not picking my calls? I had been standing by the roadside for almost an hour. My Range Rover had broken down and I had no idea what had happened to the silly car. It had been working perfectly earlier today.

Gosh!!!

My leg had started to hurt due to the fact that I had been pacing up and down in my 5’’ tall Zanotti heels. Dialing Freddy’s number again, I opened the car, got inside and waited for the idiot to pick up. I was so going to give him a piece of my mind. I just hope he was not busy banging any cheap punani.

The call connected…

“Hello babe,” he said in a shaky voice, like he had been running a marathon. I was actually right; the idiot must have been banging a chick while I was here suffering.

“What on earth is wrong with you? I thundered. “You abandoned me here with this second hand car. You refused to pick my calls. Are you mad already?”

I was really boiling inside and when I’m angry I tend to over react. Freddy mouthed a quick reply into my ears and before I could say jack he ended the call with a “Babe I have to go. Send me your location and I’ll come pick you up.”

 What the hell just happened? Did that broke ass dude just ignore me?

 I was still thinking of a way to get out of the mess I got into when my eyes fell on my nails. What I saw fueled my anger. One of my neatly manicured nails had fallen off! This could not be happening! I spent two hours fixing those nails. I paid fifteen thousand naira for them. And in a bid to open the car’s bonnet when it broke down, one of my nails fell off. This is not happening.

I checked the time and it was past noon. I was really running late and I was sure Rukky would have my head if I did not get my ass down to Club 44 very soon. She was giving me an offer of a life time. I must not mess things up but again I was still stuck with this godforsaken car.

As if controlled by a higher power, I picked up my Gucci bag, my phones, dropped the car keys on one of the chairs, got out and banged the door after me. I would not let any car wreck my plans. The idiot would come and carry the yeye car himself. I was going to get someone to buy me a new one later.

Not minding the scorching sun, I elegantly stood like a queen beside the road, waiting for a “Mr Charming” who appreciates beauty to stop and pick me up.

Yes, I was beautiful! I knew it. I had everything a guy wanted in a lady – long legs, a contoured face, a banging booty… What else could a guy ask for?

I had everything I wanted at my beck and call. Money was not a problem; I changed cars like clothes. I flew in and out of the country whenever I wanted. I did not really have a fixed income or job. I had been “self-employed” ever since I graduated from the university two years ago.

As the saying went, I was using what I had to get what I wanted. I was a proud sugar baby. People talk but arrghhh! Money must be made and I had the perfect tools to use – my body actually. My area sister Rukky, would be connecting me with some real sugar daddies later in the day and I was not going to mess it up for anything.

Just when I thought my legs were finally going to crack, a Land Rover parked in front of me and I did a super Shoki inside me.

The driver rolled down his window.

“Can I help you sweetheart?” he asked in a baritone voice.

I did a quick survey of his face; dude looked cute and rich.

He looked like a potential “investor”.

“Yes please, I need a lift,” I answered flashing him a Rihanna-inspired smile.

***

LEXICON:

*mumu – A Nigerian slang used to describe a person who acts daft.

*punani – Jamaican slang for vagina.

*yeye – useless

*Shoki – a type of West African dance

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Abdulwahab Olajumoke is a Mathematics and Statistics student from The Federal Polytechnic, Ilaro who just concluded her National Diploma Program. Her interest lies in reading articles and novels of all kinds which has in turn prompted her to keep pursuing her career in writing.

 

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