Diary of a Jumoke: Episode VIII

This is the eight episode of Abdulwahab Olajumoke’s Diary of a Jumoke. It is quite a short one. Read and let me know your thoughts in the comment section below.

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I lay sprawled across the bed wearing only a bum short and an alter neck. Arianna was pulling my weave frantically in an effort to style my hair. It was painful, but I allowed her.

The little thing seems to be having fun. From the corner of my eye, I noticed the notification light on my BlackBerry was blinking. I picked it up and saw that a text message had come in.

In my mind I thought it was one of those “If you want to be happy, send 1 to 3205” messages MTN was always sending.

I opened it and saw that it was a credit alert. The amount I saw made me gasp for air. Someone had transferred a whooping sum of 1.5 million naira into my account.

I guessed that was why Mr Ibu (make that Chief Ike) had been calling me nonstop for some hours now. I allowed his calls to ring off the hook. I was not ready to let him engage me in one of his boring tales.

Really, that man can talk for Africa. He promised he would “furnish” my account and he actually “furnished” it to the fullest. He deserved an Oscar.

“Awwwhhhh! Arianna you are going to pull off my scalp. Oya please leave it. Its fine already” I pleaded.

She examined the hair and she seemed pleased with what she had done.

“Lemme go and bring grandma’s mirror” she said in her regular singsong voice and raced out of the room.

I decided to see the mess she left on my head as I fetched my makeup bag and removed a mirror. My reflection made me roar with laughter.

Even the witch of Oz doesn’t have a thing on me.

I had been very close to my daughter these few hours after Noka’s resurfacing from God-knows-where. When I saw him earlier, I felt thousands of unexplainable emotions rushing through me.

My heart was beating so fast I thought it would bust open. All this while and I still felt that way for him. I was furious though. I would rather die than allow him back or even allow him touch my child.

My mother instincts had been resurrected.

I was having a strong urge to go clubbing to get his selfish ass off my mind. No sob stories abeg. Hitting Club 44 was the first item on my to do list.

And come to think about it, I had been considering letting Chief Ike into the honeypot too. That was the best way I could appreciate him for his kind “furnishing” gesture.

And there was Dapo again,

“I really still wanna kiss him” I thought with a mischievous smile on my face.

 

***

“Is she asleep?” I whispered silently.

Arianna had been tailing me since forever and I had to wait until she fell asleep before leaving.

I was sure she would cry her eyes out when she wakes up and discovers that I had left.

“Jumoke wa joko” [Jumoke, have a seat]

“We need to talk about something before you leave” my Mum said.

I sighed loudly. This was one of those reasons why I always shy away from visiting her. Her long talks about life and all could squeeze life out of a living person.

I had no choice this time or else I won’t hear the end of the matter.

“That guy I saw with you the other day…. I didn’t allow her to finish, I knew where the whole issue was going.

“Mummy, Dapo and I barely know each other”

“Please don’t start this marriage talk. Please I interrupted.

I knew my mum; she would never back down. She pretended as if she didn’t hear what I just said and continued.

It doesn’t matter oko mi.”[my dear]

“You people can start from somewhere”

“I can see he is a nice and cultured boy” she continued.

“Okay Mum, I heard you”

I had to agree with her if I wanted the matter to be laid to rest.

And just when I was thinking I had gotten off the hook, she dropped the bombshell.

“I think you should forgive Noka”

“He realized his mistake and came begging”.

I have had enough!

I stood up, picked my bag and gestured that I was ready to go.

Before she could think of composing another speech on how I was supposed to be a responsible woman, I dashed out towards my car and I entered with the speed of light.

“I’ll call you when I get home” I said and zoomed off without waiting for her to reply.

 

*********

“Who is this person that parked in my spot” I yelled angrily to no one in particular.

I arrived at my house and helped myself with the gate only to discover that a black Camry was in my spot and there was no more parking spaces in the compound. I had to leave my car outside.

I rang the doorbell and Shade answered it, only for me to enter the house and find her witch friend Tega sitting on the couch as if she owed the house.

Sitting beside her was Sam, Freddy’s Latino son. The bit*h had brought the child to spite me.

I mouthed an unfriendly hi to her and she reciprocated my unfriendliness by keeping mute.

I’m still gonna bitch slap that silly brat one day.

I dropped my bag and pretended as if I didn’t see the boy.

“Shade, is there food in this house?”

“I am starving” I asked with a yawn.

“Yes babe, check the microwave” she answered.

Without wasting time, I walked briskly to the kitchen to fetch my food.

“Sam really looks like Freddy”

“They have the same nose” Tega said loud enough for me to hear.

“This girl is really foolish” I said to myself.

“His skin is nice too”

 “I hope he doesn’t follow your footstep and bleach in future” I chipped in.

The words hit her like a brick. Bit*h wasn’t expecting it. I gave her an obvious side eye, picked my bag and went straight into my room.

Few minutes later I was dressed in a jumpsuit, ready to hit Club 44. I couldn’t stand the presence of the silly girl for one more minute. She should better be gone when I come back.

 

******

Rukky was in a middle of a lap dance when I got to the club. If I was the man she was entertaining I would be praying fervently that one of her bones should not detach and drill a hole on my face.

I saw a couple of friends and I sat with them, a bottle of booze in hand. I was planning to get high.

I had been dancing for a while and then decided to take a break when I noticed someone was standing behind me.

I turned and there was Noka!!!

There goes my new stalker.

Diary of a Jumoke: Episode VII

 

This is the seventh episode of Abdulwahab Olajumoke’s Diary of a Jumoke. b9565334-2a5d-4d71-9f13-c7c36d94dd7e

“Musa,where your Oga?” I inquired.

I was at Freddy’s house. I had called him but he refused to pick up. Even his gate man doesn’t seem to know his whereabouts and the silly guy had been calling me all this while. Now that I needed his help, he was nowhere to be found.

The guy’s sugar daddy game was just decreasing bit by bit.

“E be like say Oga Fred talk say him won go pick madam” his gate man said.

“Madam keh? Who is madam?” I asked a bit confused.

Instead of answering, the gate man just shrugged.

I walked towards his front porch. Even if he had gone to the moon, I was going to sit and wait for him.

The previous day had been a hit actually. Mike made reservations at a Chinese restaurant around town and he made sure we ordered almost all the dishes available. It seems he had planned to stuff me with food. We started with the sweet and sour pork and switched to the Gong Bao chicken and then the Mapu tofu to the Wontons.

I couldn’t even pronounce the name of most of the dishes.

By the time we finished eating, I was feeling as if I had swallowed a whale.

That didn’t stop me from showing my gratitude for the gift he had sent to me though. I pounced on him like a tiger the instant we got into his apartment. Dude wasn’t expecting the move.

I undressed him like a pro, blindfolded him and tied his hands to the bed post. Oga Spartacus was chanting “Ohhhhlaaahlahhh” all through the show down. I showed him the real definition of freaky.

I won’t be here waiting for Freddy if not for the call I received from my mother. She called to inform me of her plan to leave with Arianna later in the evening.

I was surprised when she didn’t ask where I was. Shade must have covered me up. That girl was bae.

I was feeling a bit bad because they were leaving so soon. I could not even spend quality time with my daughter and now that I don’t have a car, how was I supposed to take them back home?

Making them take public transport was not even an option. For that reason, I decided to see Freddy. I wanted my car back already.

I had been sitting in his porch for like two straight hours and just when I was thinking he was never going to show up, his red SUV pulled into the compound.

I didn’t see the woman with him until the car moved closer. Freddy sighted me and I saw the shock that was spreading all over his face.

“What is wrong with this one?” I thought.

The lady with him looked like she was in her late thirties. She was tall, thin and had a model like frame.

She could have passed for Rukky. They were both really thin, except that she was more beautiful. Her cheek bone was on fleek.

And I should also mention that she was a “Latino”.

“This must be the madam Musa was referring to I thought.

A small boy about seven years old was also with the pair. He had Freddy’s face written all over him.

Even before being told, I did the math. The Latino must be Freddy’s wife and the Mini-Latino [Half-caste],his son.

To be honest, I didn’t care one bit. I was just his sugar baby after all. All I wanted was my freaking car.

“Hello Jumoke” he said in a shaky voice as he neared me.

The fool just called me Jumoke! What happened to all those pet names?

Oh I forgot, anty-fresh-Puna-Latino was around. Alaye had to act like a gentleman.

Next thing I knew he faced the Lady and said “Neesha, meet my cousin”

“Jumoke, this is Neesha, my wife”

“And Sam my little simba

 Mayweather’s hammer blow could not have flattened me out like his statement just did. I flashed a cute smile at the lady and she smiled back.

“I’ve been shagging your husband, sister” I thought.

This guy is funny sha. What’s my own with your wife abi the Mufasa son you have?

I was highly irritated.

“Freddy, I need to pick up my car”

“Can you hand over the key” I demanded.

He flashed me a smile full of gratitude. It seemed he wasn’t expecting the calm way I handled the situation. He called Musa to pack some luggage into the house while he led his wife and son in and I waited impatiently outside.

He was back in no time with the key to the Range. He handed the key over to me and to my surprise he also added a cheque of five hundred thousand naira.

I collected the cheque and smiled. I covered the distance between us and gave him a passionate kiss.

“You are not getting off that easily” I said and walked towards the garage to pick my car.

I was actually hoping his wife would catch a view of the kiss.

***

I was home in time to pick up my mum and Ariana. Mike would not be needing my company for a while so I was going to sleep over at my mum’s and then come back home the following day.

I was hoping to spend more time with my daughter. The poor thing doesn’t even know me well enough.

It was late when we arrived at my mum’s and I was too tired to even eat. I just took my bath, engaged my daughter in a conversation for a while and before I knew what was happening I had fallen asleep.

Arianna’s gentle tap was what woke me up the following day.

“Mum, grandma said you should comeshe said in a singsong voice.

I rubbed my eyes sleepily, gave her a kiss on the forehead and headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I was hearing voices. It seemed some people were in the house.

“Who could be visiting so early in the morning” I thought as I picked my bathrobe and wore it over my pajamas.

I stepped into the living room and I went into a trance. Standing there was Noka and an elderly lady who I presumed was his mum. I was stunned into silence.

After leaving me for six years he just appeared out of nowhere. Am I supposed to run into his waiting hands or what?

I couldn’t move, so I just stood there looking like a dummy. He moved closer to where I was, with an apologetic look on his face.

He tried to touch me. That was when my anger surfaced.

Without thinking I gave him an epic slap and the look on his face was priceless. I was not satisfied so I gave him another resounding one. I felt so pissed that I wished I could knock out his jaw.

Not knowing what else to do, I turned back and made for my room. Arianna was standing right behind me with a white face. I could swear she was terrified. The little thing had just watched me delivered two hot slaps in quick succession to a guy whom she would soon find out was her Dad.

I carried her, wrapped my hands around her with this “if them born you well, come touch am” [if you’ve got the guts, come for her] face and bolted into my room.

Diary of a Jumoke: Episode VI

This is the 6th Episode of Abdulwahab Olajumoke’s “Diary of a Jumoke”. This episode is a quick read. Read and let me know your thoughts in the comment section below.

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The look on Shade’s face was priceless when she entered the living room and found Dapo Badejo sitting right there. She had been sleeping when I arrived.

After staring at him for what seems like ages at the door, I finally invited him in and he was sitting comfortably on my favorite couch. I wanted to ask him like a million questions. One of which was how he got to know where I was living. Noka’s issue was laid to rest for a while as the anger I was feeling earlier had dissolved into something I couldn’t understand.

“Dapo, this is my mumI introduced.

I was actually expecting him to do a casual “Good Morning Ma”

But to my surprise, he dropped his phone and did a full Yoruba greeting by prostrating. I couldn’t help but laugh.

Ekaaro Mummy” [Good morning ma] he greeted.

Kaaro oko mi” [Morning my dear] my mum replied with a wide smile and a face that showed she was making up funny ideas.

“I hope she won’t start one of her long marriage lectures later” I thought.

“Jumoke, I’ll be in the room” Mum said and left, giving me and Dapo privacy.

“Erm, how did you locate me” I asked, not knowing what else to say.

“I have a friend living close by”

“And I was visiting”

“I was on my way out when I saw you”

“You were still wearing the same cloth from yesterday, so it wasn’t so hard recognizing you” he pointed with a mischievous grin.

I shifted on my seat. His remark about me still wearing the cloth from yesterday made me slightly uncomfortable. I studied his face from the corner of my eyes. He had a plump round face and I couldn’t help but notice his pink lips. I was fighting the urge to grab and kiss it.

We chatted for a while after he caught me staring at him and I covered up my embarrassment by offering him a glass of fruit juice.

He was fun to talk with and we chatted as though we’ve been friends for a very long time.

“I think I should be on my way now” he said out of the blues.

“I have to be in Abuja by noon” he added.

I gave a curtly nod and smiled nervously. His presence was somehow giving me goose bumps. I didn’t know if it was because of the fact that he was a celebrity or because I was crushing head over heels on him.

I followed him all the way to the gate like a lost puppy.

“What on earth is wrong with you Adejumoke!” I asked myself silently and gave myself a mild knock.

I was really acting out around this guy.

He asked if we could exchange contacts and I gave him my phone number while he did the same.

“See you soon Barbie” he said jovially as he brought his car engine to life and zoomed off.

I found myself fantasizing on how to nail him the next time we meet. His cute pink lip was just too sexy to ignore.

***

The loud buzz of my phone woke me up. I had crashed in Shade’s room immediately Dapo left. I picked the phone to check who was calling but I couldn’t recognize the number. I rubbed my eyes sleepily and I was about to continue my peaceful sleep when the phone rang again.

“Hi, who goes there??” I said into the phone, slightly irritated.

I really hated being disturbed when I sleep.

“Omalicha my pretty baby”

“How are you dear?” the caller asked.

I was lost for a while.

“Who is this alien calling my phone?” I thought.

Then my brain booted and I picked the Igbo accent. I had totally forgotten about this gaped tooth man. Chief Ike or whatever his name was.

But wait, I didn’t remember giving him my contact.

“Hello Chief, good afternoon”

“I hope you are okay?” I asked.

Few seconds passed without him saying a word, he seemed to be struggling with what to say.

“Biko, Ada send me your account number, let me furnish it” he said finally.

I busted out in laughter. Did he just say he wanted to furnish my account??

Is that even English at all??

“I want to make you happy baby” he added.

“I’ll send it very soon Chief. Thanks for the kind gesture”.

“You are always welcomed Omalicha

“Biko keep that face smiling” he replied and the line went dead.

This man should stop calling me these silly Igbo names abegi. I thought I told him my name. If he wanted to furnish my whole life I’ll let him. It is not kuku my money.

Meanwhile, Freddy had been calling me ever since. It seemed he was craving for a delicacy from the honey pot; nothing good comes easy though. I won’t just throw myself at him like a cheap girl. He would have to beg me with something big. A new car would do or maybe a trip out of the country. I yawned lazily and sat up in bed. Mr Ibu or was it Chief Ike had disturbed my journey to dreamland.

I was about stepping into the kitchen when I heard the doorbell.

I walked lazily towards the door and answered it before the bell rang the second time. Standing at the door was Mike’s chauffeur and a lady who I couldn’t recognize.

She was holding the most beautiful evening gown I had ever seen in my life.

“Good day madam. Oga talk say make we deliver this gown to you

Him also talk say make you get ready by 6pm”

“I go come carry you” he said.

I couldn’t help but admire his Warri inspired Pidgin.

“Dude must be from the creeks” I thought while I gestured to the lady to hand over the gown.

I had to think of a way to steal out of the house without my mum’s knowledge. I don’t want her asking questions about where I was going.

 

***

Lexicon:
*abegi – please

*kuku – none

*Omalicha – sweetheart

*Oga – boss

 

Diary of a Jumoke: Episode V

Thank God it is Saturday. I love the Lagos weather today. So sunny and nice. So here is a lovely post to go with the lovely weather. This is the 5th Episode of Abdulwahab Olajumoke’s “Diary of a Jumoke”. Read and let me know your thoughts in the comment section below.

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*Five Years Ago*

“Babe I really miss you and I want you so bad”

“Noka I miss you too. But I really need to talk to you. I answered in a very tired voice.

I had been feeling funny for the past one week. I wake up almost every day with a dizzy spell. That morning I had decided to confirm my fears by having a urine test.

The result I got threw me off balance. I discovered that I was pregnant. My mind was in deep turmoil.

What was I going to do?

I was so confused that I called my boyfriend Noka to tell him that I was pregnant. But when he picked the call and I heard his fruity voice at the other end of the phone, the words got stuck in my mouth.

All I could manage to tell him was that we needed to talk very urgently. He agreed and promised to pay me a visit the following weekend.

Noka was a guy I met when I traveled to Abuja to visit an uncle. He was in his mid-twenties and a bit older than I was. He was handsome, light skinned, with a tawny physique and an impressive athletic feature.

We met at the cinema, started talking and we ended up making love on our second date. Since then we had been sweethearts. I fell madly in love with him.

We met during his NYSC and he was stationed at Abuja. He didn’t go into much detail about his life, but he told me that his father was an Urhobo man and his mother an American.

He said they both live outside the country but they come to Nigeria occasionally. He also told me that he was likely to travel out of the country too, after his youth service. He had promised heaven and earth and I was so gullible then that I believed he was my knight in shining armor.

As he had promised, he arrived in my school that weekend. We had fun, went to the pool to swim and we ended up lodging at a hotel later that night.

I was still a bit scared. I didn’t know how to relate the news to him. So we had slept that night with me holding the news till the next day.

We had an early breakfast the following morning because he was leaving as early as possible.

I couldn’t eat.

The rice we had ordered smelled like raw egg and all I wanted to do was throw up. He noticed my clumsiness but I told him I was feeling a bit feverish.

He was all set to go and he drew me up from where I was sitting and enveloped me in a tight hug while he planted wet kisses on my face.

“I’ll miss you sugar bush he had said in a modulated voice.

I knew I had to tell him now or I’ll never be able to tell him again.

“Noka, I have something to tell you”

“I am pregnant” I finally said in a quivering voice.

The smile on his face disappeared.

“Jummy, you are what?” he had asked in a very worried tone.

At that moment, I wished the ground would open and swallow me up.

“How? When?” He asked.

“What are you going to do about it?”

I couldn’t believe my ears.

“I can’t abort it. I am scared” I answered.

He dropped my hand instantly.

“Jumoke, I don’t have time for this” he had said in a shrilled voice that sent shivers down my spine.

Before I could say more, he bolted out of the room, leaving me all by myself.

That was the last time I saw him – the last time I heard from him. He had walked away from my life, leaving me to bear the burden myself.

My mother was devastated when she heard the news. We had both cried our eyes out. She expected more from me and I had disappointed her.

My Father died when I was just ten years old and since then she has been trying her possible best to give me a good education.

We were not rich, but she had always given me full financial support with her petty trade. I had dreams also. I had an ambition.

I was going to be an Economist; a very successful one. And I was so close to realizing that dream. I was in my 200L in school already. And now the pregnancy was threatening to shatter my dreams.

I had resolved to make the best out of my predicament. I was going to pull through no matter what it takes.

Few months after I gave birth to my baby, my mother’s shop was razed to the ground. Not a single thing remained.

Things began to fall apart. I had to man up and take up the responsibility of feeding myself, my mother and my 5 months old baby.

So in my 300L, I joined the clique of call girls in school. Don’t blame me, I had no other choice or else I’ll just drown in poverty.

Money began to roll in from all angles and by the time I was on my youth service, I had bought a house for my mother and my child.

The life I was leaving was tempting though so I had continued my “business” after university and stopping was the last thing on my mind. I had promised myself that I would be independent and I would never let any man take advantage of me again.

***

Present

I was still busy cuddling my daughter when my mother appeared from my room.

The shock on my face was evident.

“Maami e kaaro” [Mom, good morning] I greeted not knowing what else to say. I had not seen her and my daughter for the past 8 months.

She looked different, a bit older.

She walked towards the couch and answered my greeting with a nod. I knew I was in for trouble because she looked upset.

“Ma, why didn’t you call me before coming? I could have come over to pick you” I added knowing fully that last statement was a big lie. If she had called, I would have lied about being out of town or busy.

She sat on the couch without answering. I sensed something fishy was going on so I told Arianna to go inside my room.

Maami ki lo sele?” [Mom what happened?] I inquired.

“Why are you doing this to your daughter?”

“You left her all these past months without a single visit”

“What kind of mother are you!?” she thundered.

I felt a rush of emotions as she spoke and I was trying hard not to cry. I knew I had neglected my daughter, but I had my reasons. I was working my head off to give her a good life. I had been so busy.

“She was pulling tantrums”

“She wanted to see you badly”

“So I had no other choice but to bring her here”.

“And after what happened yesterday, she started asking questions”

I was alarmed.

“What happened?” I inquired in a worried tone.

My mum sighted heavily and shifted on her sit.

“Adejumoke…”

 Wait! She just called my name in full. Whenever she does that some serious banters was about to follow.

My heart skipped a million beats.

“Noka came looking for you” she said finally.

I felt like punching someone.

“Noka did what?”

“How did he find me?”

“What does he want?” I asked angrily.

I was pacing up and down now.

“He just appeared with his oyinbo mother”

“I asked who he was and he introduced himself as Noka” she continued.

“He prostrated and was begging me with tears”.

“Your daughter witnessed the whole thing”

“She has not allowed me a moment of peace since then”.

I was in another world already – the world where I was planning a million ways to kill Noka if I ever lay my eyes on him. I was not going to allow that beast get close to my daughter. She’s mine and mine alone.

The doorbell jolted me out of my thought.

“Who the hell is that?” I blurted out angrily.

I dashed toward the door as if to give the person there a beating of his/her life. I could really be over dramatic when I was angry

I pulled the door opened and I was transfixed.

“Please kill me already” I thought.

Today is really going to be a long day.

“Good morning Jumoke” he said in his regular baritone voice.

“Hi” was the only thing I could manage to say.

Dapo Badejo was standing in front of me life and direct. I must be dreaming.

 

***

Lexicon:

*NYSC – An acronym for National Youth Service Corps

 

Diary of a Jumoke: Episode 3

Hi, everyone.  This is the third episode of the new feature series, Diary of a Jumoke by Abdulwahab Olajumoke. Look out for Episode 4 next week Tuesday. Do give this a read and let me know your thoughts in the comments section.

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Rukky was touching up her make up when I got inside. The makeup and accessories didn’t help her situation; she was still looking like a starved person.

Does this girl eat at all? I asked myself as I approached her.

“Jumoke, which levels nah?”

“What’s all this? You were supposed to be here an hour ago!” she said, not giving me a chance to defend myself.

“I am really sorry. Something came up.” I replied.

“No qualms.”

“Let’s go to the dressing room, you need to change your clothes.” She added as she packed her makeup and headed upstairs toward the dressing room.

I was lost for a millisecond. What on earth was wrong with what I was wearing?

The micro mini gown I wore could buy half of her clothes. But as it is, she was the boss at the moment so I had to agree to every idea that came out of her twisted mind.

Few minutes later, we are in the VIP lounge with some top business men in the country. The man I am supposed to hang out with is a multi billionaire who owned the largest telecommunication company in the whole of West Africa.

Rukky had told me about him some weeks back; that he flew into the country about three weeks back and he would be needing a classy girl to keep him company while he was in the country.

Since he was not yet around, I decided to pick a seat in a corner of the lounge. I sat down cocktail in hand while I watched one of the strippers do a pole dance in the middle of the room.

I was still sitting there when I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder. I turned around and found this potbellied man smiling at me with an awkward gap tooth. I felt my stomach turned. I silently prayed that was not the person I had been there waiting for.

How was I supposed to endure his clumsy face for two good weeks?

“Omalicha, I am Chief Ogbonna Ike.

“I have been watching you from afar off for quite long.”

“Why are you here sitting all by yourself?” he said with the thickest Igbo accent I have ever heard in my entire life.

My jaws almost dropped. Like we are in the 24th century; do people still talk with Igbo accents?

I heaved a sigh of relieve when I discovered he was not the one I had been waiting for. I gave him a forced smile and decided to string him and see what he could offer. There was no crime in killing two birds with a stone after all.

“My name is Jumoke.” I said extending my hand for a handshake.

But instead of shaking me, he took my hand and gave me a rather unnecessary kiss. I was seriously praying for him not to dribble on my hand.

The width of his gap tooth was really too much to take in. I shifted uneasily in my chair while I fought the urge of snatching my hand from him.

Finally he let go of my hand and sat on the chair next to me.

“This man will crack this chair today!I thought as the little chair creaked under his weight.

“Adaobi, has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are? he said.

His thick accent was all I could hear. It was like he was speaking in a strange tongue. And it took me some minutes before I could decipher his sentence.

When I finally did, I gave him a genuine smile.

By now I was feeling uneasy. Where the heck was this man I was supposed to meet? Or was Rukky playing games with me?

I really hope that was not the case because I was going to show her madness in 4D if I find out that she had been wasting my time.

And this Chief Ike, or whatever his name was, will not stop engaging me in all kinds of stupid talks.

I mean what was my business with the fact that his eldest son was gay, and he had been trying to fix him up with a woman.

Why was he telling me this?

It was not as if it would put food on my table or add to the money in my account… or even buy me a car.

My mind did a quick flash back to the fact that I had abandoned my Range Rover.

“I really needed a new car ASAP.” I thought.

The man invited me over to his house the next weekend and I agreed in a bid to get rid of him. But he just won’t stop. The good news was that he was super rich. I had not wasted my time after all. His money would do for a while.

My phone vibrated, someone pinged me.

I was super glad that the message was from Rukky.

“Meet me in the parking lot.” her message read.

I was finally going to escape from this talkative of a man. My eardrums would be left at peace for a while.

I told him I was leaving and I promised to honor his invitation as I hurried out of the VIP lounge.

Rukky was standing with a man when I got there. Judging by his looks, he should be in his mid-fifties. He had a mustache that looked as if it was going fall off anytime soon.

His face displayed wealth and a bit of elegance.

“And this is what I’m talking about.” I said to myself.         

“Dr Bassey, this is Jumoke.” Rukky said as I walked towards them.

Once again my Beyonce inspired smile rose from the dead and my accent came out with full force.

“Hi Doctor.” I mouthed.

He smiled revealing a set of white teeth.

“I’ll see you later Rukky.” he said, indirectly telling her that her presence was no longer needed.

 “Now let’s get things started, shall we?” he added.

He extended his hand and gestured for me to move closer.

***

Abdulwahab Olajumoke is a Mathematics and Statistics student from The Federal Polytechnic, Ilaro who just concluded her National Diploma Program. Her interest lies in reading articles and novels of all kinds which has in turn prompted her to keep pursuing her career in writing.

 

Diary of a Jumoke: Episode 2

Hi, everyone.  This is the second episode of the new feature series, Diary of a Jumoke by Abdulwahab Olajumoke. Look out for Episode 3 next week Tuesday. Do give this a read and let me know your thoughts in the comments section.

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Three Months Earlier

I met Freddy at a beach party organized by my flat mate’s friend. Actually I hated the girl somehow. She always acted superior, like she owned the entire universe. She was not even as pretty as I am.

Shade my flat mate had convinced me that the party was going to be fun. Besides I could meet a lot of rich guys there. Meeting rich guys was what got me to agree to come. I won’t be so stupid to pass a chance of swimming in a pool full of wealthy fishes because of one stupid girl who had bleached every part of her body, including her brain.

We were half way into the party when he arrived. He was tall and muscular and I would have mistaken him for Vin Diesel if not for his dark skin tone.

I had been watching his every move since he arrived and I noticed the way the muscle in his back moved elegantly when he walked.

“His name is Freddy. He is Tega’s cousin.” Shade whispered to my ear when she saw how I was gawking at him.

Tega was the name of her friend who was having the beach party; the one that I disliked.

Not that I was a fan of muscular guys but then this Freddy guy was Tega’s cousin. That meant only one thing; he was definitely going to be rich.

Without wasting time, I stood up from where I was sitting and walked towards him flaunting my killer bikini body as I walked. Many eyes were on me, or should I say many eyes were on my booty.

Yes, I was aware that any guy would drop dead to touch my booty but this time I was not in for any kind of stupid hookups not when I had a candidate in mind.

“Can I have a seat?” I asked with a perfected British accent.

Anybody would have thought I was born and bred outside the country.

As Shade would put it, my packaging game was hyper tight.

He looked up from his phone and I could swear his eyes were squarely on my cleavage.

The sharp girl that I was, I tilted my body to an angle closer to his face giving him a full view of my assets. Instantly, he gestured to an empty sit beside him.

“Have a sit babe.” he mouthed as his eyes surveyed my drop dead physique.

He seemed to be pleased with what he saw.

I could see the loathing look Tega gave me when she saw that I was with her cousin. I cared less though. I was going all the way down with this one.

We talked for quite a while and all through I had worn my Victoria secret model look.

During our conversation, I learned that he was an only child and the sole heir to his father’s fortune. That piece of information inspired me more to stay in the quest.

After a while, he told me he wanted to be on his way home.

Seriously?

I was not going to allow him leave without giving him a delicacy from the honey pot. He was too valuable not to have a taste.

I stood up and pulled on his hand seductively, pressing my booty against him intentionally. I told him I wanted to see his car and he seemed to have gotten the message.

Five minutes later, we were inside his car tearing at each other like angry birds.

Damnnnn!!!

The dude was a perfectionist. He knew how to do his thing and I was impressed.

The fact was that he had gotten deep into the honey pot and he was sure going to come back for more. So we became a regular. He was a bit older than i was but not old enough to be called a sugar daddy.

On my last birthday, he had gifted me with a Range Rover. I was slightly annoyed though. I had actually thought he would buy me a new car instead of him giving me the one he had been using before.

But as the saying goes half bread is better than none. I had accepted the car in good faith.

Freddy on the other hand is a hard core womanizer. He kept women of all shapes and sizes. I won’t blame him, he’s just too handsome not to womanize and besides, as far as I am concern, all guys are womanizers. Every single one of them.

I was in for the money though so he could sleep with every girl on the planet for all I care. As long as the money keeps rolling in, I’ll continue to be the best sugar baby he had ever met.

 

Present.

The cherry fragrance that greeted me as I entered the car made me remember my Mum’s room back home and I missed her for a split second.

It was his deep voice that jerked me back to reality.

“You seem to be in a hurry.”

“Where are you heading to?” he asked.

“Club 44,” I replied.

“Hope you don’t mind dropping me there?” I added.

This guy should just shut up and drive joor.

I didn’t have time for small talks. As it was, I had numerous missed calls on my phone already. Rukky had called me like a million times and then there was Freddy. The idiot had been calling me nonstop for the past five minutes. His womanizing sense should tell him to follow the directions I sent to him and pick his car.

His calls are just annoying me. I had planned to bounce back on him later but first I need to get to Club 44 as soon as possible.

The guy was saying something about the traffic but I was not listening. I was oblivious of my environment that I even forgot to finish my survey on him to determine if he was worthy of hanging on to.

I was relieved when he finally pulled over in front of the famous Club 44. I rushed through a thank you speech that I was barely conscious of.

My mind was elsewhere.

I alighted from the car and was about going when he stopped me and gave me his complimentary card.

The name I saw on the card squeezed the oxygen out of my lungs. My eyes instantly did a 360 in their sockets.

Dapo Badejo, the owner of Swanky Cloth line, had given me a lift but I was too occupied to even notice.

What on earth was I thinking?

Before I could get over my shock, he had zoomed off and I just stood there staring like a scarecrow.

I had caught a big fish without any effort.

Rukky’s call came in again making me sweep what had just happened to the back of my mind.

“First things first,” I thought.

I have business to handle and Dapo Badejo could wait a while.

 

*****

Lexicon:

*joor – a Yoruba word that indicates please

***

Abdulwahab Olajumoke is a Mathematics and Statistics student from The Federal Polytechnic, Ilaro who just concluded her National Diploma Program. Her interest lies in reading articles and novels of all kinds which has in turn prompted her to keep pursuing her career in writing.

Diary of a Jumoke: Episode 1

Hi, everyone. I am sorry this took longer to post than I thought. This is the first episode of the new feature series, Diary of a Jumoke by Abdulwahab Olajumoke. Look out for Episode 2 next week Tuesday. Happy holidays.

 

***

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I dialled his number and it rang for the second time in a row. Where the hell is Freddy and why was the mumu not picking my calls? I had been standing by the roadside for almost an hour. My Range Rover had broken down and I had no idea what had happened to the silly car. It had been working perfectly earlier today.

Gosh!!!

My leg had started to hurt due to the fact that I had been pacing up and down in my 5’’ tall Zanotti heels. Dialing Freddy’s number again, I opened the car, got inside and waited for the idiot to pick up. I was so going to give him a piece of my mind. I just hope he was not busy banging any cheap punani.

The call connected…

“Hello babe,” he said in a shaky voice, like he had been running a marathon. I was actually right; the idiot must have been banging a chick while I was here suffering.

“What on earth is wrong with you? I thundered. “You abandoned me here with this second hand car. You refused to pick my calls. Are you mad already?”

I was really boiling inside and when I’m angry I tend to over react. Freddy mouthed a quick reply into my ears and before I could say jack he ended the call with a “Babe I have to go. Send me your location and I’ll come pick you up.”

 What the hell just happened? Did that broke ass dude just ignore me?

 I was still thinking of a way to get out of the mess I got into when my eyes fell on my nails. What I saw fueled my anger. One of my neatly manicured nails had fallen off! This could not be happening! I spent two hours fixing those nails. I paid fifteen thousand naira for them. And in a bid to open the car’s bonnet when it broke down, one of my nails fell off. This is not happening.

I checked the time and it was past noon. I was really running late and I was sure Rukky would have my head if I did not get my ass down to Club 44 very soon. She was giving me an offer of a life time. I must not mess things up but again I was still stuck with this godforsaken car.

As if controlled by a higher power, I picked up my Gucci bag, my phones, dropped the car keys on one of the chairs, got out and banged the door after me. I would not let any car wreck my plans. The idiot would come and carry the yeye car himself. I was going to get someone to buy me a new one later.

Not minding the scorching sun, I elegantly stood like a queen beside the road, waiting for a “Mr Charming” who appreciates beauty to stop and pick me up.

Yes, I was beautiful! I knew it. I had everything a guy wanted in a lady – long legs, a contoured face, a banging booty… What else could a guy ask for?

I had everything I wanted at my beck and call. Money was not a problem; I changed cars like clothes. I flew in and out of the country whenever I wanted. I did not really have a fixed income or job. I had been “self-employed” ever since I graduated from the university two years ago.

As the saying went, I was using what I had to get what I wanted. I was a proud sugar baby. People talk but arrghhh! Money must be made and I had the perfect tools to use – my body actually. My area sister Rukky, would be connecting me with some real sugar daddies later in the day and I was not going to mess it up for anything.

Just when I thought my legs were finally going to crack, a Land Rover parked in front of me and I did a super Shoki inside me.

The driver rolled down his window.

“Can I help you sweetheart?” he asked in a baritone voice.

I did a quick survey of his face; dude looked cute and rich.

He looked like a potential “investor”.

“Yes please, I need a lift,” I answered flashing him a Rihanna-inspired smile.

***

LEXICON:

*mumu – A Nigerian slang used to describe a person who acts daft.

*punani – Jamaican slang for vagina.

*yeye – useless

*Shoki – a type of West African dance

***

Abdulwahab Olajumoke is a Mathematics and Statistics student from The Federal Polytechnic, Ilaro who just concluded her National Diploma Program. Her interest lies in reading articles and novels of all kinds which has in turn prompted her to keep pursuing her career in writing.

 

New Series Feature Alert: Diary of a Jumoke

 

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Hi, everyone. Here is the blurb for an upcoming series that will be featured on my blog. The series is written by Abdulwahab Olajumoke. I’ll be posting it every Tuesday. Make it a date.

***

Sexy, sweet Jumoke has it all. A nice body, sexy shape, and a butt that can set the world of the most upright man on fire. Coupled with her accent so flawless that she’s like a demi beauty goddess. She’s living her life to the fullest, easily nabbing any man of her choice with her looks.

But when she realizes she’s pregnant for the one man she detests for leaving her and Ariana her daughter, she must find a way to make sure he doesn’t use her and dump her the second time.

Will she ever end up with the man of her heart?

Will she be able to leave her work for a home?

Find out in the most exciting, most thrilling, most captivating Diary of a Jumoke.

 

CLUELESS – EPISODE 5

“Good morning, beautiful.” Tobi said, as he pulled the curtains back, allowing the rays of sunlight to bounce off Sharon’s face perfectly. “You slept quite long.” He continued, as he took his seat. “It’s been a while since I had anyone use this room.” He added. “My mom uses this room whenever she comes around.”
She stared at him. “Is there a time you don’t talk too much? I mean, I understand it comes with the job and you get to talk a lot when you are on the job arguing football and whatnot but is there really a time at all in your life when you don’t talk?”

Tobi smiled as he ran his eyes over her body. “I am sorry I disturbed you, but I hardly have anyone around here to talk to and so I am just excited to have a new friend.”

Sharon caught his gaze all over her. “Friend? Dude, don’t sweat it. I am not your friend.” She replied, crouching up on the bed, using the blanket to cover her legs.

He nodded. “Yet you are lying in my bed and you ate my food last night. That automatically makes us friends.” He replied.

“What do you want?” Sharon asked, starting to dismiss him. “Isn’t Dapo back yet?”

Tobi shook his head. “He is still pretty much hung up on Jadesola and maybe he wouldn’t be returning with the laptop as soon as we thought.” He replied. “So, I suggest you get back to your sleep or you go with me to church.”

Sharon chuckled. “So that the blogs could bare stories of how I went from the side chic to the girlfriend of a celebrity sports analyst in less than twenty four hours, right? Thank you, I decline.” She replied.

Tobi’s phone buzzed. He smiled as he saw Dapo’s name on the Caller ID. “It seems our friend, Dapo, might have had a change of mind after all.” He said and then tapped the answer button. “Hey man, what’s up?”

“Tell your overzealous security man to let me in.” Dapo said and then hung up.

Tobi stared at Sharon with a smile. “He is here and the security man won’t let him in because I have a habit of not entertaining guests on Sundays.” He said, dialling on his phone. “Please, let the gentleman in.” He said as he put a call through.

“Why don’t you allow guests in on Sundays?” Sharon asked, getting off the bed.

He smiled. “It’s a day I dedicate for my rest.”

She hissed. She had hoped to hear something more intriguing but as usual Tobi would not disappoint her with his excessive desire to create an impression of himself which was clearly not impressive to her.

“Let’s go and welcome our friend.” Tobi said, leading the way out of the room. Sharon followed closely. They arrived in the living room to meet Dapo who was setting the laptop on a table. “Good morning, Dapo. We didn’t think we would be seeing you.”

“We? You both are now an item?” Dapo asked, staring at them. “Trust me, it won’t last. I thought mine would.”

Tobi chuckled. “Don’t be so negative, man.”

“We are not even an item.” Sharon protested. “What is wrong with you, Tobi?”

Dapo stared at them. “Make up your minds. Sharon, can we get to work, please? Tomorrow is Monday.”

She nodded. “Of course.”

***

Jane was tossing and turning in her bed. She didn’t have a good sleep. She was worrying about Sharon and maybe it was her fault for trying to be supermom and have everything all knit together. She hoped she wasn’t getting more paranoid with her recent decision taking. She got out of her bed and made for the living room. She was sure her Mom would be in church by now, giving her room to have a moment alone. As she arrived in the living room, she gaped upon seeing her mother and husband standing by the door. “Chike?” she said, shocked.

He took a deep breath and walked over to her. “I have missed you, Jane.”

“What are you doing here, Chike?” Jane asked.

He ignored her, hugging her tightly as he absorbed the smell of her hair. “Lavender?”

“I haven’t even showered yet.” Jane replied, pulling away from her husband. Chike was quite the tease. “You didn’t tell me that you were returning home.” She said, staring at her mother who tried to avoid their glare.

Chike nodded. “I didn’t think I needed to be home too but Mama thought otherwise and I think she is right.”

“Chike? Mama called you and you came home?” Jane asked.

He led Jane to the sofa. “I have been meaning to come home for a while but you know how it is, right?”

“I know how it is and that is why I am surprised that you found some time out of your schedule to see us. What could be so important that you left your busy schedule to be here?” she asked.

“Jane, you know why I am here.” He replied.

She shook her head. “No. I don’t know! I am not paranoid and I am doing very well. I don’t know what my mother might have told you but I am not going to allow you commit me to an institution.”

“Don’t accuse me wrongly. I have not said anything that you did not do.” Mama said. “Maybe you need to get back to seeing your Doctor.”

“Chike, I do not need a doctor. I agree I have been tensed up of late and maybe my Mom thinks I am having a lapse in judgement but that is because she is overwhelmed by Sharon leaving.” Jane argued.

“Why did you have our daughter robbed?”Chike asked.

Jane took a deep breath. “Chike.”

“Why did you tell Mama that I was in on it when I had no idea about this?” he continued. “Do you know what how much danger Sharon could be in?”

“I have it all covered.” Jane replied.

He sighed. “You have it covered?”

“Yes, I have some men on ground.” She replied. “She has no idea what life is out there. The robbery is just to teach her a lesson and make her come back home.” She argued. Her husband looked displeased while her mother kept staring at her blankly. “Chike, none of us wanted her to leave. This is a chance to have her back. She would focus on her job like we always wanted.”

He shook his head. “I am forced to agree with Mama. You might be taking things out of hand and maybe you need to calm down.” He replied. “You can’t be in control of everything. You can’t control her life.”

“I am not trying to.” Jane protested. “All I ever want is to be sure I don’t make the same mistake my mother did.”

Mama sighed. “Jane, I am not responsible for the bad choices you are making.”

“I am not making bad choices.” She replied and turned to her husband. “Sharon would be back tomorrow.”

He stepped back. “No. She would stay in Lagos as long as she wants and you are no longer going to have a say in this. If this is how you want to help your daughter, I suggest you stay away from her and if you are not going to do that willingly, I am going to help you.”

“Chike, you are hardly around. Do you think you can make the rules now?” Jane asked. “All I am trying to do is get our daughter back home.”

“Don’t you get it? She wants to take this time off from us and from everything around here. We owe her that. Stop getting in the way. Tell your men to get off her back and I would be decent enough not to tell her what you have done.” He replied and made for the stairs. He stopped and turned to her. “One question, do you think Sharon is going to love you if she knew what you did to her?”

Jane nodded. “It’s for her good.”

“Then you are more deluded than I thought. Tell your men to stand down or you are not going to like the outcome of this.” Chike replied. “Tomorrow, she is going to pick up her life and we all are going to keep this between us. That’s the only way you get to keep your reputation as her mother.” He concluded and turned away.

“It’s a little too late.” Jane said as she watched her husband walk away.

Chike turned as soon as he heard those words. “What did you do?”

“Jane? What have you done this time?” Mama asked, shaking her daughter’s arm vigorously.

Jane yanked out of her grip. “I froze all her bank accounts.”

***

“So, what have you been up to since I left for church?” Tobi asked, taking his seat opposite Dapo. 

Dapo looked up from his phone and stared at him. “Just working with Sharon. She is doing something for me.”

“Who is she to you? Your employee?” Tobi asked. 

Dapo shook his head. “No. She is erm… she is a friend helping out with a job. I have a deadline for tomorrow to submit it.”

“Why are you not doing it yourself?” he asked.

Dapo smiled. “She is doing me a favour.”

“Hmmm… A favour that one way or the other saw you end things with Jade?” Tobi continued. “Don’t you think you guys should sit and maybe work things out?”

“Jadesola was fooling me. I don’t want to talk about her. She is engaged. I was the fool. I have moved on and I would appreciate it if we don’t dwell on this topic.” He replied.

Tobi nodded. “So, if she is doing your work for you up there… is she defending it for you as well?” he asked with a cynical smile. “Dapo, your parents might have paid your way through the University but we both know that you are not made for Architecture. You don’t know anything about it. You bought your grades. Men like me who worked hard didn’t even get a chance at good grades.”

Dapo shook his head. “I am not responsible for your problems.”

“No, you are not but why are you making Sharon do your work just because your parents have the money?” Tobi asked.

“Tobi, can you stop nosing in my business?” Dapo said, returning to his phone. 

Tobi laughed. “It’s my business! You are in my house and sitting on my couch.”

“Seriously?” Dapo said, stunned by Tobi.

Tobi exhaled. “Look man, I understand the pressure to make your folks happy but if you are not good at it, it’s fine, you don’t have to be a fraud and have someone do your work all the time.” He replied.

Dapo clenched his teeth. “Are you done?”

“I just think you should find your niche and stop keeping up appearances even when you don’t fit. There’s going to be a day when you won’t have a Sharon to do your job for you and you are going to be standing out there embarrassed.” Tobi said. “I don’t want to be you that day, brother.”

Dapo rose to his feet. “I’ll just be on my way.”

“The truth is bitter.” Tobi said. 

Dapo laughed. “Have you ever wondered why no one watches your lame show? You don’t say anything with sense.”

Tobi smiled. “Pardon me if you are mad that I didn’t find a more sensible way to call you a cheat.”

Sharon joined them downstairs. “Dapo, your work is done.” She said, holding the laptop out before him.

“I didn’t mean for her to hear that.” Tobi said. “She must have been eavesdropping.” He added quickly.

Dapo stared at him. “Thanks for the hospitality.” He said and then turned to Sharon, taking the laptop from her. “Thank you very much.”

“You can still get out, you know?” she said. “Tobi is right; you could do something else instead of hoping you are always going to have someone do your work.”

Dapo swallowed. “I will send your clothes from the hotel down here. I wish you all the best in Lagos. You’ll need it.” He said. “You’ll never see me again and I am sorry I made you do this.” He said and walked out of the house.

“Can I sleep here tonight?” Sharon asked.

Tobi smiled. “But of course, you already slept one night. I am sure I can accommodate you for an extra night.”

“Thank you.” She replied. “By tomorrow morning, I’ll be good to go.”

He shrugged. “I don’t care if you want to stay here much longer. I can use the company. I am here all alone anyway.”

“I appreciate your help.” She replied.

He blinked as she turned to leave. “Sharon, do you… do you want to see my art studio? I… I have a studio upstairs where I do my painting. I… I noticed you showed some interest in my work. I hope you don’t mind checking out where the process takes place.” He said, stuttering. 

“Okay.” She replied with a smile. 

***

Chike and Mama watched Jane as she spoke on the phone. They had ensured that she called the family’s accountant to reverse the block on Sharon’s accounts latest first thing in the morning and now they were listening to her speak to the men she put on Sharon’s tail. “Tell that idiot not to follow my daughter anywhere!” Chike said, impatiently. “I will have them locked up.” He continued.

Jane hung up and turned to her husband. “May I remind that they won’t be the only ones going to jail if you report them? I would be sent to prison as well.” She said.

“Is it done?” Chike asked, ignoring her.

Jane nodded. “Yes.”

“That’s the end of it, I believe.” He said, rising to his feet. “Mama, thank you so much for calling me into this. I appreciate it.”

Mama nodded. “Ifesinachi is my girl.”

“Which of us?” Jane asked. “I remember being called that name too.”

Mama smiled. “Jane, you know I love you.”

“But you love my daughter more and wish she was yours, but, it’s a shame because she’s not your daughter.” Jane said, rising to her feet.

Chike stared at his wife. “Don’t speak to your mother in that tone.”

“She never had time for me and now she doesn’t want me to be there for my own daughter. She wants it all-squared. I won’t be her. I am going to be a better mother.” She said, heading upstairs. 

Chike turned to his mother-in-law. “It might be time to call in her Doctor.”

Mama took a deep breath as she reflected on Jane’s paranoia which was largely becoming evident. “What are we going to tell him?”

“We tell him what we can see. She is being paranoid and we don’t want it to escalate, so it might be time to take her in for a while.” Chike replied.

“What would we tell Ifesinachi when she calls to ask of her mother?” Mama asked.

Chike had not figured that part out but he was going to come up with something when the situation presented itself. He was not going to risk his wife losing her sanity over a trauma from her childhood. 

***

“Is that woman confused? First, she asked us to rob the lady, she then told us to keep an eye on her, then she calls us to let her be and now she wants us to be kidnappers. Does she really know what she wants?”

“I tire o! The thing just dey vex me. I go dey follow person up and down every time like person wey no get work. It’s not easy na.”

“Your job is not to complain. Your job is to do what you are told to do and be at peace with the money that appeases your bank account at the end of the day.” A certain Mr John said, walking in on his boys. “We can all say that we have enjoyed quite a good sum from her. Let’s finish this job well.” He said.

“So, do we do this tonight?” one of the men asked. “Or tomorrow night? We have had a long weekend.”

Mr John nodded. “Now is a good time.”

           ***

Sharon smiled as she pushed her fingers against the last canvas in the room and took a deep breath. “This is breathtaking.”

“Thank you.” Tobi replied. 

Sharon folded her arm. “Why don’t you exhibit these works?”

He swallowed. “I am scared.”

“Of what?” she asked.

He shrugged. “Of not being accepted. I paint for the hobby. I am sure there are people way better than me at exhibits.”

“Really? You are scared of putting yourself out there?” she asked. “There would always be people better than you.”

He nodded. “I am already comfortable as an analyst; I don’t want to bash my reputation in case I am not accepted.”

“Then you are the biggest coward ever.” She replied. “You can’t hide behind your relevance. If you have got something that the world should see and you don’t show them; that’s a disservice.”

Tobi stared at her. “Why do I feel like you know better about these words?” he asked. “Dapo is using your design to empower himself. That’s a disservice on your part.”

She chuckled. “I don’t really care about that. It is the least of my worries.” She replied. “What Dapo and I had was a business transaction so I am not sad that I worked for him.”

“So, what is your greatest disservice? He asked.

She smiled. “I used to paint.”

“Used to?” he asked. “How is that even possible? If you were once a painter, you are always a painter.”

She shook her head. “Not in my case. I am quite rusty and I am not sure I would ever get back to where I once was.”

“What happened?” Tobi asked. “You sound like the bigger coward.” He added. 

Sharon looked around her. “This is the life I wanted. I wanted to paint. I wanted to go to exhibitions. I wanted to be just Picasso.”

“Then what’s stopping you?” he asked. “Architecture?”

Sharon stared at him. “Maybe Architecture. Maybe the pressure to do something better. My parents never wanted me to paint and so I couldn’t. Maybe that’s why.”

“Maybe Fear?” Tobi asked.

She nodded. “Yes, maybe fear.”

He joined her by the door as they both leaned against it. “So, let’s do something together. I am scared of putting my works out there because I think I’ll fail and you think I should and I also think that you shouldn’t let your parents stand in the way of your light, so, if you would be my teammate, we both could do this… together.”

“I don’t understand.” She said.

He took her by the hand. “We’ll work together, we’ll paint together and we’ll show our works together.” He said.

Sharon’s heart raced fast as she listened to him. She had yearned for this. An opportunity to get back into the world she always wanted. 

“What do you say?” he prompted. The door bell went. “It seems like we have a late visitor.” He said as they walked out into the living room.

Dapo was standing in the living room with a bag in his hand. 

“Dude, you said you wouldn’t be returning.” Tobi said with a chuckle. “You can’t even keep your word.”

Dapo kept his gaze on Sharon. “Can I please have a minute with Sharon?”

Tobi took a look at Sharon. “Are you sure about this?”

“Dude, I am not going to kidnap her, am I?” Dapo asked.

Tobi smiled and obliged them.

“Sharon, I am sorry.” Dapo started. “I took advantage of you when you needed me the most and I am sorry.”

She shrugged. “Dapo, I don’t consider it as a wrong deed.”

“I consider it as one and maybe I shouldn’t be here faking what I am not but it’s all I have known how to do. I just wanted to get by and make my parents proud and that’s why I have been hiring people to do my work for me. I am a fraud and a cheat and I took advantage of you, I am sorry.” He apologized.

She nodded. “It’s alright. Are you ready for the presentation?”

“That’s the second reason I am here. I would love for you to please do the presentation.” He started.

“You want me to impersonate you?” she asked.

Dapo smiled. “No. I have replaced my name with yours. If you would love to make your first buck in Lagos, the presentation is yours tomorrow.”

Sharon stared at him. “You are skipping on your big day?”

“It’s not my big day. I don’t deserve it. You have the slot, all you need to do is say yes.” He said. “Would you do the presentation?”

She took a deep breath and nodded. “Yes, I will.”

CLUELESS – EPISODE 4

Clueless

Clueless

Sharon wasn’t ready. She had seen crazy ladies but then, they were Maitama rich kids crazy scratching at each other for silly issues like unshared blunts and boyfriends, not Lagos crazy. She stared at the lady who was ripping Dapo apart with her tongue and wished she could diffuse into the earth instantly, but it was too late! Some jobless folks at the mall had started taking videos and pictures of the showdown; they were going to make it to gossip blogs in no time and possibly trend on Twitter. She was officially screwed!

“Jadesola, please, calm down.” Dapo said, as he stared at the crowd. “It is not what it seems like.” He said.

She laughed as she clapped her hands. “Ehen?! Do I look like I have glue in my eyes? Are you not here with that skinny piece of meat?” she asked, staring at Sharon who was standing metres away from them. “Panla, I am talking to you!”

“Jade! Stop this nonsense. We are in the public!” Dapo said as he tried taking her hand. She wouldn’t let him. “Let’s go and talk about this outside.”

“You told me you were going to work for the weekend. Is this the work?” Jadesola asked. “Look at the babe, this one is not work na.” She added, accessing her body frame. “I am work.” She said, firming her hands against her buttocks. “This is work.” She said, emphatically.

Dapo exhaled as laughter rang across the room. The onlookers were definitely having fun with this. He turned to Sharon who was clearly embarrassed and mouthed. “I am sorry.” He said. Sharon nodded and turned away from them, heading downstairs.

“Where is she going?” Jade asked as she tried going after Sharon but was restrained by Dapo who grabbed her firmly and lifted her over his shoulder. “What are you doing?” she cried. “Put me down!”

He was having none of her theatrics. He had seen enough of it, and unfortunately, this wasn’t the first time. Other times, he had learnt to walk away but this was not one of such occasions. He was at fault. He ought to have told her that he wasn’t alone and maybe that would have made her less dramatic…after all, there was not one drama-free woman, yeah? He released her as soon as they got to the car. “Get in.” He ordered, looking over her shoulder in Sharon’s direction. He could still see her walking down the road. But, she was not alone. Tobi was closing in on her. He hated that guy!

“I am not going anywhere with you until you tell me who that lady is.” She replied, in an unusually calm tone.

Dapo scoffed. “Why didn’t you speak like a proper human being up there? If you had this humane part of you, why didn’t I see that part? Aren’t you going to continue raging like a madwoman?”

She flipped her hair over her shoulder. “Who is she?” she asked.

“She is a friend who needs my help and thanks to you, she is out of sight” Dapo replied. “Now if you would please, get into the car and let me drop you home.” He said.

Jade took a deep breath. “I can’t.”

“Why not?” he asked.

She sighed. “I have a date.”

***

“Sharon!”

Sharon stopped walking and turned towards the person that had been calling after her. It was Tobi Adebiyi. The TV Presenter. Now what could he want? An Interview? She could only ask the Heavens to help her so she wouldn’t be rude towards him. She had had enough for a lifetime and the only thing she could think about now was getting on the next flight to Abuja on Monday morning. “Yes?”

He smiled as he stood before her. “I was on my way out when that episode happened up there and I would love to apologize on behalf of my friend and his psychotic girlfriend.”

“Name calling? That’s classy.” She replied and started to turn away from him. She couldn’t be interested in anything that had to do with Dapo or his girlfriend.

Tobi hurried after her. “I am sorry about that. I usually come off wrong some times.”

“Well, this seems like all the time.” she replied.

Tobi chuckled. “You can’t judge me by one incident.” He replied. “Where are you off to? I could drop you.”

Sharon paused and then realized that she had no idea where she was off to. She couldn’t return to the hotel. She wasn’t the registered user of the room and she was sure the receptionists would be more than happy to turn her back. Maybe it was time to get off her high horse and call for help. Lagos was going from bad to worse. She was sure that her parents knew people in Lagos who could camp her till Monday morning. She was going to return to Abuja and get her job back. She was not all rusty with her skills on AutoCAD, she was halfway done with helping Dapo out so she knew she still had it in her even though it was not what she wanted. She loved to paint but her Dad was not having that so she settled for the closest thing to her art skills – Architecture. Her parents were delighted. She was going to make them proud and of a truth, she did. She had hoped to find something special in Lagos but it seemed as though every step she had taken was akin to taking two back. Her trip was pointless. Her rediscovery process was pointless. She was going back home. She took a deep breath and stared at Tobi. “Can I use your phone?”

He nodded as he fetched it out of his pocket. His phone buzzed just as he was about to hand it to her. “Dapo is calling.” He said. “One second.” He added and answered the call. “What’s up, man?” he asked and paused to listen. He nodded. “You want me to take her to my place?”

Sharon stared at him. “I am not going anywhere with you.” She replied.

Tobi passed the phone to her. “He wants to speak with you.”

“What do you want?” Sharon flipped. “I get it. You are sorry, but I don’t want to go anywhere with him. I don’t know him.”

“I am a good guy.” Tobi intercepted. “I am better than Dapo. You can bank on that.” He added, staring at a black jeep packed a distance from them. He had noticed the driver staring at them so he waved at him. For all he knew, the driver could have been a fan. He then turned to Sharon who was done with the call. “My lady, what say you?”

“Let’s go.” She said.

He smiled. “Of course.”

***

“Sharon is fine.” Jane announced as she took a seat opposite her mother on the dining table. “I just got off the phone with one of my men in Lagos. He is keeping a close watch on her and I am sure he would prompt her if necessary to be on the next flight.”

“Just out of curiosity,” Mama started. “How much did you pay those men to watch over Ifesinachi?”

Jane smiled. She was not willing to answer that question. She dug her fork into some beef and started to slice it. “Your granddaughter is fine, but I cannot guarantee that she has been feeding fine.” She started. “That’s what she gets for wanting to do things her way.”

Mama took a deep breath. She was going to ask the hard question she had not asked her daughter in a long time. Jane was dealing with a bi-polar condition but she had been just fine in recent times. However, her recent actions were a cause for concern. “Are you relapsing?”

“Are you going to ask a madman if he is mad?” Jane replied with a cheesy smile. “Mom, I know where you are headed? I am not relapsing. I am fine. And every decision I have taken is for the good of my daughter.”

Mama nodded. “Would your daughter still love you if, when she returns on Monday, she realises that you were behind every ordeal she went through?”

Jane smiled. “It was all for her good. Sharon thinks she is seeking answers to questions. The truth is there are no answers. The only answers are the ones we give ourselves. If you want fulfilment, you have to accept the things you have before you and stop seeking the things out of your reach.” She replied.

Mama took a deep breath. “Fulfilment is wherever you find it and if you think putting a leash on your daughter so that she is dependent on you will be a recompense for the times you and I never had, I need you to understand that you might be suffering a relapse and you are not even aware of it.”

“Are you attacking me based on my mental state?” Jane asked, staring into her tab. “Mama, I am fine. I am only protecting my daughter the way you never protected me. I want to ensure that Sharon never has to leave my sight so that she is safe.”

Mama laughed. “So, I am guessing the robbery plan was to tell her the things she could face without your coverage? Jane, you are mad and you don’t have anyone to tell you.”

“Mama, you are wrong. You just told me and I would like to finish my food in peace.” Jane replied.

Mama rose to her feet. “And when Sharon gets married? Would you like to live with her too, so she is protected from her husband?”

“It’s a good thing she doesn’t see marriage as important.” Jane replied. “You and I know that.”

Mama shook her head. “Jane, you can’t take care of your daughter forever. She is going to take care of you some day. It might be time to let her go.”

“I have decided not to. Deal with it, Mom.” Jane replied. “I am not letting her go like you let me out of your sight. I am not allowing her face the world alone.”

Mama was genuinely sorry for Jane. Now she was sure, more than ever, that her daughter needed help.

***

Sharon watched Tobi as he gave instructions to his stewards before returning to meet her in the living room. “You have stewards for different purposes.”

“As it should be.” He said, sinking into a chair. “Two for the kitchen because I am very particular about my food and gaining weight in the right places.” He started. “You know, the office pays for them. I have one who drives me about and I have one who does my laundry and another for my menial chores.”

“And you live in a rented duplex?” Sharon said, cutting short his enthusiasm.

He nodded with a smile. “The office pays for everything.”

Sharon chuckled. “And I believe they talk a small cut from your monthly salary.”

“Pretty insignificant stuff.” He replied. “Dinner would be served soon.” He added.

Sharon chuckled. “I am surprised you don’t understand the yearly import of that ‘pretty insignificant stuff’ on your annual pay.”

Tobi shrugged. “I don’t care. Life’s too short.” He said and then ran his eyes over Sharon with a smile. “So, what’s a pretty young thing like you doing as Dapo’s chic? That bastard is too sleek. He got Jade on one side and he’s got you as his side squeeze. How is a brother that lucky? Maybe if I was light skin or something. Right?” he said, turning to Sharon.

“You should really put a leash on your mouth.” She replied, standing up. She walked over to the wall and stared at the paintings that adorned it. She smiled as she thought about what she would have been as a painter. She jumped as soon as she felt Tobi’s hand around her lower back. “What are you doing?”

“Making myself comfortable.” He replied.

She shook her head. “Don’t you care about the impression that you make on others?” she asked, dropping his hand. “Most importantly, you are a celebrity. People look up to you. How about you live up to the reputation you have falsely put out there?”

“Now where’s the fun in that? This is who I am.” He said with a smile.

Sharon shook her head as she returned to her seat. “You leave a very bad impression about yourself.”

He joined her. “Fine. I agree. Now tell me, what are you even doing with a guy like Dapo?”

“What do you mean by a guy like Dapo?” she asked. “Because of his babe? She doesn’t define him.”

Tobi laughed. “Nah. Jadesola is a lovely girl except for when her anger buttons are spiked. Dapo is a… he is a weird guy. I mean, he drops off the surface and flies away again.” He replied. “He doesn’t even keep in touch with me and we were like good friends in those days.” He added with a laugh.

“In what days?” Sharon asked. Her hope was that Tobi was another blast from her past. She wondered why she was, all of a sudden, looking for familiar strangers in her life when all she wanted was to run away.

He relaxed in his chair. “We used to be friends way back in the university. We both studied Architecture but look at me; I ended up a sport presenter and that guy, oh well…”

Sharon hissed as her enthusiasm was watered down at the mention of ‘university’. She had hoped to hear primary school. She sighed and thought about home again. It was time to call in the cavalry. She was done with the adventure. “Can I, please, use your phone?”

He nodded and passed it to her. “Who are you going to call? Dapo told us to wait for him.”

She ignored him as she walked over to the paintings with the phone to her ear. “Mama.” She said, tiredly.

“Ifesinachi! How are you?”

Sharon could hear the panic in Mama’s voice. “I am fine, Mama. How is my mom?”

“She… she is very fine. How is Lagos treating you? Is it all you hoped for?”

Sharon took a deep breath. If she told Mama the truth right now, she would have failed…again. Maybe she could give herself another fighting chance. Or maybe she didn’t need to be so stupid and just let her grandmother come to her rescue.

“Ifesinachi? You are silent.” Mama echoed.

Sharon laughed. “It’s just great, Mama. Lagos is just great. I have my own place now and I… erm, I should be…I should be going to an art exhibition tonight to check out some artworks. I might even get my own studio once the week starts and then I think I should get back to painting. It’s just been so long, you know?” she said with a feigned smile.

“Ifesinachiiiiiii, Na like that Lagos sweet reach? One day you don get house dey jump upandan.” Mama stressed. “Should I come and visit you?”

Sharon shook her head. “No, Mama and I have to go now.” She said, taking a glance at Tobi who was receiving a meal from his steward. She turned away from him. “You can’t call me on this phone, Mama. I am yet to set my phone up.”

“Set yourself up? Ifesinachi, you are within Nigeria nau, what happened to your phone?” Mama quizzed.

Sharon blinked as she thought of a more befitting tale. “Mama, I am trying to start my life all over again and I… I really don’t want to have old contacts, so I decided to-”

“-to cut your grandmother off?” she asked.

Sharon shook her head apologetically as though Mama could see her. “Mama, you know I can’t do that. I… I would never do that to you, but I have to go now. I’ll keep in touch.”

“Ifesinachi, God be with you. I know what you are going through. But I know you are stronger than this, okay?” Mama said.

Sharon nodded. Her Grandmother’s words had given her life even though she was sure the old woman knew not what she spoke of. “Bye, Mama. Tell Mom I said I love her.” She said, hanging up.

Tobi clapped as soon as she got off the phone. “That was quite a performance. If I didn’t know better, I would have said you really had your own place and an art exhibition to be at this night.” He said with a soft laugh. “Who is the poor woman you were deceiving on the phone? Who is Mama?”

“You truly don’t know better.” Sharon replied, taking her seat.

He drew closer to her. “Do you really like painting?”

Sharon nodded absently as she thought about the next day. Monday couldn’t come any sooner. She was expectant and she couldn’t wait to get back on track. Maybe she could indeed get back to painting.

“I painted all these myself.” Tobi said.

She turned to him. “Really?”

He nodded. “I like to paint. It’s like a pastime activity for me but it’s something I love doing.”

“They are beautiful.” Sharon said, staring at the framed artworks.

He smiled. “Thank you.”

“Sorry for everything, guys.” Dapo said, walking in. “I am really sorry about what happened back there.” He added. “Can we please leave, Sharon? I need to have that presentation ready for Monday.”

“No.” She replied, “You don’t get to come here and tell me to come with you like nothing happened. I don’t want your Queen tearing at my cloth before the day is over.”

Tobi stared at them. “I’ll just let you two have this moment.” He said, grabbing his plate, disappearing down the hallway.

Dapo took a deep breath. “Sharon, I really want to apologize for everything that happened. I can’t explain right now, but I really need you to come with me so we can finish up my work. It’s important to me.”

“My safety is also important to me.” Sharon replied. “Your Queen looks like someone who could decorate me with an acid bath. I am too fresh for that.” She added.

Dapo found a wry smile in spite of how he felt and sank into a chair. “Sharon, trust me, I am too fresh for stress too.” He said.

She hissed. “How vain!” she said. “So, what happened with Jadesola?”

He passed his phone to her. “We are now famous on social network sites. Our video has gone viral; you have been tagged the side chic and Jadesola, the ranting wife and me, the clueless husband and I am pretty sure that title suits me well.”

“Except that I am not your side chic.” Sharon corrected.

He nodded. “Fine, you have made your point. Now, let’s go home.”

“Hotel, you mean.” She replied. “I am not going with you.”

He scoffed. “Why? We had a deal. And you had better stick to it.” He said, getting upset. “I don’t know whatever Tobi must have said to you but that guy says a lot of nonsense.”

“I didn’t tell her anything that she doesn’t already know.” Tobi said, joining them. “You guys are trending on the internet.” He said, looking up from his phone. “This is not good.”

“Tobi, you are not saying what I don’t already know. I have shown her the post.” Dapo said, rising to his feet. “Sharon, I think it’s time we left. We only have Sunday left. I need to get this work locked down.”

Sharon ran her fingers through her hair. “You only care about the fact that I am working for you!”

“Forgive me if I can’t think of anything else but that is all that matters to me.” Dapo retorted. “You have to come back with me and finish that job.”

“What job?” Tobi asked with a raised eyebrow.

Dapo stared at him. “Thanks Tobi for taking her in briefly but this business is between Sharon and I.”

“And I insist that I am not going back with you!” she replied.

He smiled. “And where would you go?”

“She can stay here with me.” Tobi said. “There is enough room.”

Dapo smiled. “Tobi is a joke. You don’t want to stay with him.”

“Your girlfriend called me names. She would have ripped me apart. I don’t feel safe with you.” Sharon replied.

“Small comfort in this jackass’ house and you feel safe?” Dapo asked. “Sharon, I need to get my design fixed.”

Tobi stared at Dapo. “Bro, I don’t mean to piss you off, but if she doesn’t want to go with you, she is more than welcome to stay here.” He said.

Dapo clenched his fist in anger. “Sharon?”

“Bring the laptop here. I’ll work from here. I don’t want trouble.” Sharon replied.

Dapo exhaled sharply. “Jadesola is not your problem anymore. I can assure you.”

“No. I am not taking that chance!” Sharon retorted. “Bring the laptop here. I will work from here.” She added. “You have a girlfriend. Respect her.”

“We broke up!” Dapo yelled. “We are done. Jadesola and I are done.” He replied.

Tobi blinked. “Dude, you just ended things with her like that? Na wetin?

Dapo took a deep breath. “She broke up with me. She is engaged to be married.”

“What?!” Tobi gaped. “So na you be the side bobo?

Dapo nodded. “The clueless one.”

***