This is the eight episode of Abdulwahab Olajumoke’s Diary of a Jumoke. It is quite a short one. Read and let me know your thoughts in the comment section below.

I lay sprawled across the bed wearing only a bum short and an alter neck. Arianna was pulling my weave frantically in an effort to style my hair. It was painful, but I allowed her.

The little thing seems to be having fun. From the corner of my eye, I noticed the notification light on my BlackBerry was blinking. I picked it up and saw that a text message had come in.

In my mind I thought it was one of those “If you want to be happy, send 1 to 3205” messages MTN was always sending.

I opened it and saw that it was a credit alert. The amount I saw made me gasp for air. Someone had transferred a whooping sum of 1.5 million naira into my account.

I guessed that was why Mr Ibu (make that Chief Ike) had been calling me nonstop for some hours now. I allowed his calls to ring off the hook. I was not ready to let him engage me in one of his boring tales.

Really, that man can talk for Africa. He promised he would “furnish” my account and he actually “furnished” it to the fullest. He deserved an Oscar.

“Awwwhhhh! Arianna you are going to pull off my scalp. Oya please leave it. Its fine already” I pleaded.

She examined the hair and she seemed pleased with what she had done.

“Lemme go and bring grandma’s mirror” she said in her regular singsong voice and raced out of the room.

I decided to see the mess she left on my head as I fetched my makeup bag and removed a mirror. My reflection made me roar with laughter.

Even the witch of Oz doesn’t have a thing on me.

I had been very close to my daughter these few hours after Noka’s resurfacing from God-knows-where. When I saw him earlier, I felt thousands of unexplainable emotions rushing through me.

My heart was beating so fast I thought it would bust open. All this while and I still felt that way for him. I was furious though. I would rather die than allow him back or even allow him touch my child.

My mother instincts had been resurrected.

I was having a strong urge to go clubbing to get his selfish ass off my mind. No sob stories abeg. Hitting Club 44 was the first item on my to do list.

And come to think about it, I had been considering letting Chief Ike into the honeypot too. That was the best way I could appreciate him for his kind “furnishing” gesture.

And there was Dapo again,

“I really still wanna kiss him” I thought with a mischievous smile on my face.

***

“Is she asleep?” I whispered silently.

Arianna had been tailing me since forever and I had to wait until she fell asleep before leaving.

I was sure she would cry her eyes out when she wakes up and discovers that I had left.

“Jumoke wa joko” [Jumoke, have a seat]

“We need to talk about something before you leave” my Mum said.

I sighed loudly. This was one of those reasons why I always shy away from visiting her. Her long talks about life and all could squeeze life out of a living person.

I had no choice this time or else I won’t hear the end of the matter.

“That guy I saw with you the other day….“ I didn’t allow her to finish, I knew where the whole issue was going.

“Mummy, Dapo and I barely know each other”

“Please don’t start this marriage talk. Please“ I interrupted.

I knew my mum; she would never back down. She pretended as if she didn’t hear what I just said and continued.

“It doesn’t matter oko mi.”[my dear]

“You people can start from somewhere”

“I can see he is a nice and cultured boy” she continued.

“Okay Mum, I heard you”

I had to agree with her if I wanted the matter to be laid to rest.

And just when I was thinking I had gotten off the hook, she dropped the bombshell.

“I think you should forgive Noka”

“He realized his mistake and came begging”.

I have had enough!

I stood up, picked my bag and gestured that I was ready to go.

Before she could think of composing another speech on how I was supposed to be a responsible woman, I dashed out towards my car and I entered with the speed of light.

“I’ll call you when I get home” I said and zoomed off without waiting for her to reply.

*********

“Who is this person that parked in my spot” I yelled angrily to no one in particular.

I arrived at my house and helped myself with the gate only to discover that a black Camry was in my spot and there was no more parking spaces in the compound. I had to leave my car outside.

I rang the doorbell and Shade answered it, only for me to enter the house and find her witch friend Tega sitting on the couch as if she owed the house.

Sitting beside her was Sam, Freddy’s Latino son. The bit*h had brought the child to spite me.

I mouthed an unfriendly hi to her and she reciprocated my unfriendliness by keeping mute.

I’m still gonna bitch slap that silly brat one day.

I dropped my bag and pretended as if I didn’t see the boy.

“Shade, is there food in this house?”

“I am starving” I asked with a yawn.

“Yes babe, check the microwave” she answered.

Without wasting time, I walked briskly to the kitchen to fetch my food.

“Sam really looks like Freddy”

“They have the same nose” Tega said loud enough for me to hear.

“This girl is really foolish” I said to myself.

“His skin is nice too”

 “I hope he doesn’t follow your footstep and bleach in future” I chipped in.

The words hit her like a brick. Bit*h wasn’t expecting it. I gave her an obvious side eye, picked my bag and went straight into my room.

Few minutes later I was dressed in a jumpsuit, ready to hit Club 44. I couldn’t stand the presence of the silly girl for one more minute. She should better be gone when I come back.

******

Rukky was in a middle of a lap dance when I got to the club. If I was the man she was entertaining I would be praying fervently that one of her bones should not detach and drill a hole on my face.

I saw a couple of friends and I sat with them, a bottle of booze in hand. I was planning to get high.

I had been dancing for a while and then decided to take a break when I noticed someone was standing behind me.

I turned and there was Noka!!!

There goes my new stalker.

This is the seventh episode of Abdulwahab Olajumoke’s Diary of a Jumoke.

“Musa,where your Oga?” I inquired.

I was at Freddy’s house. I had called him but he refused to pick up. Even his gate man doesn’t seem to know his whereabouts and the silly guy had been calling me all this while. Now that I needed his help, he was nowhere to be found.

The guy’s sugar daddy game was just decreasing bit by bit.

“E be like say Oga Fred talk say him won go pick madam” his gate man said.

“Madam keh? Who is madam?” I asked a bit confused.

Instead of answering, the gate man just shrugged.

I walked towards his front porch. Even if he had gone to the moon, I was going to sit and wait for him.

The previous day had been a hit actually. Mike made reservations at a Chinese restaurant around town and he made sure we ordered almost all the dishes available. It seems he had planned to stuff me with food. We started with the sweet and sour pork and switched to the Gong Bao chicken and then the Mapu tofu to the Wontons.

I couldn’t even pronounce the name of most of the dishes.

By the time we finished eating, I was feeling as if I had swallowed a whale.

That didn’t stop me from showing my gratitude for the gift he had sent to me though. I pounced on him like a tiger the instant we got into his apartment. Dude wasn’t expecting the move.

I undressed him like a pro, blindfolded him and tied his hands to the bed post. Oga Spartacus was chanting “Ohhhhlaaahlahhh” all through the show down. I showed him the real definition of freaky.

I won’t be here waiting for Freddy if not for the call I received from my mother. She called to inform me of her plan to leave with Arianna later in the evening.

I was surprised when she didn’t ask where I was. Shade must have covered me up. That girl was bae.

I was feeling a bit bad because they were leaving so soon. I could not even spend quality time with my daughter and now that I don’t have a car, how was I supposed to take them back home?

Making them take public transport was not even an option. For that reason, I decided to see Freddy. I wanted my car back already.

I had been sitting in his porch for like two straight hours and just when I was thinking he was never going to show up, his red SUV pulled into the compound.

I didn’t see the woman with him until the car moved closer. Freddy sighted me and I saw the shock that was spreading all over his face.

“What is wrong with this one?” I thought.

The lady with him looked like she was in her late thirties. She was tall, thin and had a model like frame.

She could have passed for Rukky. They were both really thin, except that she was more beautiful. Her cheek bone was on fleek.

And I should also mention that she was a “Latino”.

“This must be the madam Musa was referring to“ I thought.

A small boy about seven years old was also with the pair. He had Freddy’s face written all over him.

Even before being told, I did the math. The Latino must be Freddy’s wife and the Mini-Latino [Half-caste],his son.

To be honest, I didn’t care one bit. I was just his sugar baby after all. All I wanted was my freaking car.

“Hello Jumoke” he said in a shaky voice as he neared me.

The fool just called me Jumoke! What happened to all those pet names?

Oh I forgot, anty-fresh-Puna-Latino was around. Alaye had to act like a gentleman.

Next thing I knew he faced the Lady and said “Neesha, meet my cousin”

“Jumoke, this is Neesha, my wife”

“And Sam my little simba”

 Mayweather’s hammer blow could not have flattened me out like his statement just did. I flashed a cute smile at the lady and she smiled back.

“I’ve been shagging your husband, sister” I thought.

This guy is funny sha. What’s my own with your wife abi the Mufasa son you have?

I was highly irritated.

“Freddy, I need to pick up my car”

“Can you hand over the key” I demanded.

He flashed me a smile full of gratitude. It seemed he wasn’t expecting the calm way I handled the situation. He called Musa to pack some luggage into the house while he led his wife and son in and I waited impatiently outside.

He was back in no time with the key to the Range. He handed the key over to me and to my surprise he also added a cheque of five hundred thousand naira.

I collected the cheque and smiled. I covered the distance between us and gave him a passionate kiss.

“You are not getting off that easily” I said and walked towards the garage to pick my car.

I was actually hoping his wife would catch a view of the kiss.

***

I was home in time to pick up my mum and Ariana. Mike would not be needing my company for a while so I was going to sleep over at my mum’s and then come back home the following day.

I was hoping to spend more time with my daughter. The poor thing doesn’t even know me well enough.

It was late when we arrived at my mum’s and I was too tired to even eat. I just took my bath, engaged my daughter in a conversation for a while and before I knew what was happening I had fallen asleep.

Arianna’s gentle tap was what woke me up the following day.

“Mum, grandma said you should come” she said in a singsong voice.

I rubbed my eyes sleepily, gave her a kiss on the forehead and headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I was hearing voices. It seemed some people were in the house.

“Who could be visiting so early in the morning” I thought as I picked my bathrobe and wore it over my pajamas.

I stepped into the living room and I went into a trance. Standing there was Noka and an elderly lady who I presumed was his mum. I was stunned into silence.

After leaving me for six years he just appeared out of nowhere. Am I supposed to run into his waiting hands or what?

I couldn’t move, so I just stood there looking like a dummy. He moved closer to where I was, with an apologetic look on his face.

He tried to touch me. That was when my anger surfaced.

Without thinking I gave him an epic slap and the look on his face was priceless. I was not satisfied so I gave him another resounding one. I felt so pissed that I wished I could knock out his jaw.

Not knowing what else to do, I turned back and made for my room. Arianna was standing right behind me with a white face. I could swear she was terrified. The little thing had just watched me delivered two hot slaps in quick succession to a guy whom she would soon find out was her Dad.

I carried her, wrapped my hands around her with this “if them born you well, come touch am” [if you’ve got the guts, come for her] face and bolted into my room.

This is the 6th Episode of Abdulwahab Olajumoke’s “Diary of a Jumoke”. This episode is a quick read. Read and let me know your thoughts in the comment section below.

The look on Shade’s face was priceless when she entered the living room and found Dapo Badejo sitting right there. She had been sleeping when I arrived.

After staring at him for what seems like ages at the door, I finally invited him in and he was sitting comfortably on my favorite couch. I wanted to ask him like a million questions. One of which was how he got to know where I was living. Noka’s issue was laid to rest for a while as the anger I was feeling earlier had dissolved into something I couldn’t understand.

“Dapo, this is my mum” I introduced.

I was actually expecting him to do a casual “Good Morning Ma”

But to my surprise, he dropped his phone and did a full Yoruba greeting by prostrating. I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Ekaaro Mummy” [Good morning ma] he greeted.

“Kaaro oko mi” [Morning my dear] my mum replied with a wide smile and a face that showed she was making up funny ideas.

“I hope she won’t start one of her long marriage lectures later” I thought.

“Jumoke, I’ll be in the room” Mum said and left, giving me and Dapo privacy.

“Erm, how did you locate me” I asked, not knowing what else to say.

“I have a friend living close by”

“And I was visiting”

“I was on my way out when I saw you”

“You were still wearing the same cloth from yesterday, so it wasn’t so hard recognizing you” he pointed with a mischievous grin.

I shifted on my seat. His remark about me still wearing the cloth from yesterday made me slightly uncomfortable. I studied his face from the corner of my eyes. He had a plump round face and I couldn’t help but notice his pink lips. I was fighting the urge to grab and kiss it.

We chatted for a while after he caught me staring at him and I covered up my embarrassment by offering him a glass of fruit juice.

He was fun to talk with and we chatted as though we’ve been friends for a very long time.

“I think I should be on my way now” he said out of the blues.

“I have to be in Abuja by noon” he added.

I gave a curtly nod and smiled nervously. His presence was somehow giving me goose bumps. I didn’t know if it was because of the fact that he was a celebrity or because I was crushing head over heels on him.

I followed him all the way to the gate like a lost puppy.

“What on earth is wrong with you Adejumoke!” I asked myself silently and gave myself a mild knock.

I was really acting out around this guy.

He asked if we could exchange contacts and I gave him my phone number while he did the same.

“See you soon Barbie” he said jovially as he brought his car engine to life and zoomed off.

I found myself fantasizing on how to nail him the next time we meet. His cute pink lip was just too sexy to ignore.

***

The loud buzz of my phone woke me up. I had crashed in Shade’s room immediately Dapo left. I picked the phone to check who was calling but I couldn’t recognize the number. I rubbed my eyes sleepily and I was about to continue my peaceful sleep when the phone rang again.

“Hi, who goes there??” I said into the phone, slightly irritated.

I really hated being disturbed when I sleep.

“Omalicha my pretty baby”

“How are you dear?” the caller asked.

I was lost for a while.

“Who is this alien calling my phone?” I thought.

Then my brain booted and I picked the Igbo accent. I had totally forgotten about this gaped tooth man. Chief Ike or whatever his name was.

But wait, I didn’t remember giving him my contact.

“Hello Chief, good afternoon”

“I hope you are okay?” I asked.

Few seconds passed without him saying a word, he seemed to be struggling with what to say.

“Biko, Ada send me your account number, let me furnish it” he said finally.

I busted out in laughter. Did he just say he wanted to furnish my account??

Is that even English at all??

“I want to make you happy baby” he added.

“I’ll send it very soon Chief. Thanks for the kind gesture”.

“You are always welcomed Omalicha”

“Biko keep that face smiling” he replied and the line went dead.

This man should stop calling me these silly Igbo names abegi. I thought I told him my name. If he wanted to furnish my whole life I’ll let him. It is not kuku my money.

Meanwhile, Freddy had been calling me ever since. It seemed he was craving for a delicacy from the honey pot; nothing good comes easy though. I won’t just throw myself at him like a cheap girl. He would have to beg me with something big. A new car would do or maybe a trip out of the country. I yawned lazily and sat up in bed. Mr Ibu or was it Chief Ike had disturbed my journey to dreamland.

I was about stepping into the kitchen when I heard the doorbell.

I walked lazily towards the door and answered it before the bell rang the second time. Standing at the door was Mike’s chauffeur and a lady who I couldn’t recognize.

She was holding the most beautiful evening gown I had ever seen in my life.

“Good day madam. Oga talk say make we deliver this gown to you”

“Him also talk say make you get ready by 6pm”

“I go come carry you” he said.

I couldn’t help but admire his Warri inspired Pidgin.

“Dude must be from the creeks” I thought while I gestured to the lady to hand over the gown.

I had to think of a way to steal out of the house without my mum’s knowledge. I don’t want her asking questions about where I was going.

***

Lexicon:
*abegi – please

*kuku – none

*Omalicha – sweetheart

*Oga – boss

Hi, everyone.  This is the second episode of the new feature series, Diary of a Jumoke by Abdulwahab Olajumoke. Look out for Episode 3 next week Tuesday. Do give this a read and let me know your thoughts in the comments section.

Three Months Earlier

I met Freddy at a beach party organized by my flat mate’s friend. Actually I hated the girl somehow. She always acted superior, like she owned the entire universe. She was not even as pretty as I am.

Shade my flat mate had convinced me that the party was going to be fun. Besides I could meet a lot of rich guys there. Meeting rich guys was what got me to agree to come. I won’t be so stupid to pass a chance of swimming in a pool full of wealthy fishes because of one stupid girl who had bleached every part of her body, including her brain.

We were half way into the party when he arrived. He was tall and muscular and I would have mistaken him for Vin Diesel if not for his dark skin tone.

I had been watching his every move since he arrived and I noticed the way the muscle in his back moved elegantly when he walked.

“His name is Freddy. He is Tega’s cousin.” Shade whispered to my ear when she saw how I was gawking at him.

Tega was the name of her friend who was having the beach party; the one that I disliked.

Not that I was a fan of muscular guys but then this Freddy guy was Tega’s cousin. That meant only one thing; he was definitely going to be rich.

Without wasting time, I stood up from where I was sitting and walked towards him flaunting my killer bikini body as I walked. Many eyes were on me, or should I say many eyes were on my booty.

Yes, I was aware that any guy would drop dead to touch my booty but this time I was not in for any kind of stupid hookups not when I had a candidate in mind.

“Can I have a seat?” I asked with a perfected British accent.

Anybody would have thought I was born and bred outside the country.

As Shade would put it, my packaging game was hyper tight.

He looked up from his phone and I could swear his eyes were squarely on my cleavage.

The sharp girl that I was, I tilted my body to an angle closer to his face giving him a full view of my assets. Instantly, he gestured to an empty sit beside him.

“Have a sit babe.” he mouthed as his eyes surveyed my drop dead physique.

He seemed to be pleased with what he saw.

I could see the loathing look Tega gave me when she saw that I was with her cousin. I cared less though. I was going all the way down with this one.

We talked for quite a while and all through I had worn my Victoria secret model look.

During our conversation, I learned that he was an only child and the sole heir to his father’s fortune. That piece of information inspired me more to stay in the quest.

After a while, he told me he wanted to be on his way home.

Seriously?

I was not going to allow him leave without giving him a delicacy from the honey pot. He was too valuable not to have a taste.

I stood up and pulled on his hand seductively, pressing my booty against him intentionally. I told him I wanted to see his car and he seemed to have gotten the message.

Five minutes later, we were inside his car tearing at each other like angry birds.

Damnnnn!!!

The dude was a perfectionist. He knew how to do his thing and I was impressed.

The fact was that he had gotten deep into the honey pot and he was sure going to come back for more. So we became a regular. He was a bit older than i was but not old enough to be called a sugar daddy.

On my last birthday, he had gifted me with a Range Rover. I was slightly annoyed though. I had actually thought he would buy me a new car instead of him giving me the one he had been using before.

But as the saying goes half bread is better than none. I had accepted the car in good faith.

Freddy on the other hand is a hard core womanizer. He kept women of all shapes and sizes. I won’t blame him, he’s just too handsome not to womanize and besides, as far as I am concern, all guys are womanizers. Every single one of them.

I was in for the money though so he could sleep with every girl on the planet for all I care. As long as the money keeps rolling in, I’ll continue to be the best sugar baby he had ever met.

Present.

The cherry fragrance that greeted me as I entered the car made me remember my Mum’s room back home and I missed her for a split second.

It was his deep voice that jerked me back to reality.

“You seem to be in a hurry.”

“Where are you heading to?” he asked.

“Club 44,” I replied.

“Hope you don’t mind dropping me there?” I added.

This guy should just shut up and drive joor.

I didn’t have time for small talks. As it was, I had numerous missed calls on my phone already. Rukky had called me like a million times and then there was Freddy. The idiot had been calling me nonstop for the past five minutes. His womanizing sense should tell him to follow the directions I sent to him and pick his car.

His calls are just annoying me. I had planned to bounce back on him later but first I need to get to Club 44 as soon as possible.

The guy was saying something about the traffic but I was not listening. I was oblivious of my environment that I even forgot to finish my survey on him to determine if he was worthy of hanging on to.

I was relieved when he finally pulled over in front of the famous Club 44. I rushed through a thank you speech that I was barely conscious of.

My mind was elsewhere.

I alighted from the car and was about going when he stopped me and gave me his complimentary card.

The name I saw on the card squeezed the oxygen out of my lungs. My eyes instantly did a 360 in their sockets.

Dapo Badejo, the owner of Swanky Cloth line, had given me a lift but I was too occupied to even notice.

What on earth was I thinking?

Before I could get over my shock, he had zoomed off and I just stood there staring like a scarecrow.

I had caught a big fish without any effort.

Rukky’s call came in again making me sweep what had just happened to the back of my mind.

“First things first,” I thought.

I have business to handle and Dapo Badejo could wait a while.

*****

Lexicon:

*joor – a Yoruba word that indicates please

***

Abdulwahab Olajumoke is a Mathematics and Statistics student from The Federal Polytechnic, Ilaro who just concluded her National Diploma Program. Her interest lies in reading articles and novels of all kinds which has in turn prompted her to keep pursuing her career in writing.

Hi, everyone. I am sorry this took longer to post than I thought. This is the first episode of the new feature series, Diary of a Jumoke by Abdulwahab Olajumoke. Look out for Episode 2 next week Tuesday. Happy holidays.

***

I dialled his number and it rang for the second time in a row. Where the hell is Freddy and why was the mumu not picking my calls? I had been standing by the roadside for almost an hour. My Range Rover had broken down and I had no idea what had happened to the silly car. It had been working perfectly earlier today.

Gosh!!!

My leg had started to hurt due to the fact that I had been pacing up and down in my 5’’ tall Zanotti heels. Dialing Freddy’s number again, I opened the car, got inside and waited for the idiot to pick up. I was so going to give him a piece of my mind. I just hope he was not busy banging any cheap punani.

The call connected…

“Hello babe,” he said in a shaky voice, like he had been running a marathon. I was actually right; the idiot must have been banging a chick while I was here suffering.

“What on earth is wrong with you?” I thundered. “You abandoned me here with this second hand car. You refused to pick my calls. Are you mad already?”

I was really boiling inside and when I’m angry I tend to over react. Freddy mouthed a quick reply into my ears and before I could say jack he ended the call with a “Babe I have to go. Send me your location and I’ll come pick you up.”

 What the hell just happened? Did that broke ass dude just ignore me?

 I was still thinking of a way to get out of the mess I got into when my eyes fell on my nails. What I saw fueled my anger. One of my neatly manicured nails had fallen off! This could not be happening! I spent two hours fixing those nails. I paid fifteen thousand naira for them. And in a bid to open the car’s bonnet when it broke down, one of my nails fell off. This is not happening.

I checked the time and it was past noon. I was really running late and I was sure Rukky would have my head if I did not get my ass down to Club 44 very soon. She was giving me an offer of a life time. I must not mess things up but again I was still stuck with this godforsaken car.

As if controlled by a higher power, I picked up my Gucci bag, my phones, dropped the car keys on one of the chairs, got out and banged the door after me. I would not let any car wreck my plans. The idiot would come and carry the yeye car himself. I was going to get someone to buy me a new one later.

Not minding the scorching sun, I elegantly stood like a queen beside the road, waiting for a “Mr Charming” who appreciates beauty to stop and pick me up.

Yes, I was beautiful! I knew it. I had everything a guy wanted in a lady – long legs, a contoured face, a banging booty… What else could a guy ask for?

I had everything I wanted at my beck and call. Money was not a problem; I changed cars like clothes. I flew in and out of the country whenever I wanted. I did not really have a fixed income or job. I had been “self-employed” ever since I graduated from the university two years ago.

As the saying went, I was using what I had to get what I wanted. I was a proud sugar baby. People talk but arrghhh! Money must be made and I had the perfect tools to use – my body actually. My area sister Rukky, would be connecting me with some real sugar daddies later in the day and I was not going to mess it up for anything.

Just when I thought my legs were finally going to crack, a Land Rover parked in front of me and I did a super Shoki inside me.

The driver rolled down his window.

“Can I help you sweetheart?” he asked in a baritone voice.

I did a quick survey of his face; dude looked cute and rich.

He looked like a potential “investor”.

“Yes please, I need a lift,” I answered flashing him a Rihanna-inspired smile.

***

LEXICON:

*mumu – A Nigerian slang used to describe a person who acts daft.

*punani – Jamaican slang for vagina.

*yeye – useless

*Shoki – a type of West African dance

***

Abdulwahab Olajumoke is a Mathematics and Statistics student from The Federal Polytechnic, Ilaro who just concluded her National Diploma Program. Her interest lies in reading articles and novels of all kinds which has in turn prompted her to keep pursuing her career in writing.